Healthy kitty and a warm, fuzzy anecdote about G.

Tidbit #1 - Nimbus, the white cat

She’s fine. I noticed the night she wasn’t feeling well that she refused to come into my room, going instead to my housemate’s room… Very unusual… That was the same night I used a topical muscle pain reliever on my knee and leg. ! It’s kind of like A5-35, except that it is “all natural” and it’s called “024”. I sprayed this stuff all over my knee and leg right before I went to bed and I must say, it worked great. It smelled a bit of menthol and eucalyptus, but nothing that I thought was horrid.

Apparently, the cat disagreed. I later found out that eucalyptus isn’t so good for cats. My hunch was that the fumes got to her, so the next day I washed the pj’s I was wearing, and all the bed linens. The cat has been fine ever since. Who knew?

Tidbit #2 - Closure with G.

If you’ve been following the blog since last fall, you will remember the student from my Spanish class who was struggling in Spanish, much the same way I was struggling at the gym. It broke my heart when he didn’t show up for the final exam, and I heard from other students that he’d dropped the class at the last minute.

I hoped that one day we could give things a proper closure. I figured that if it ever happened, it would probably be as a result of running into one another quite unexpectedly, taking both of us off guard, as these things often do, offering a brief window of opportunity to say what needs to be said. Today, it happened. I was coming out of the locker room at the gym and there he was.

It was an unusual place to run into him, since you tend to see the same faces around, even if you don’t know who everyone is. I’d never seen him there and as it turned out, he was just there on an errand.

“Hola!” I said, as is customary for me when I meet students outside class.

He looked at me, shocked and blurted out, “Oh my God! You look great!”

I have to say, usually I am slightly disappointed when my students can’t even muster up a reciprocal greeting in Spanish in response to “Hola!”, but, I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised (and flattered) with that particular greeting today.

G. and I both started fall semester with long, curly hair (his curlier than mine). During the course, he shaved his head and donated his hair and I told him that I was on a similar mission, just not to the point of baldness.

So, hair donations became a natural starting point for conversation. After a few minutes we got down to the business we both knew had to be done…

“I know I was a disappointment,” he said. “But I had a really good time in your class. You’re a great teacher.”

“Well, thanks. But I’m not disappointed. You had a decision to make and you did what you had to do. I totally respect that. No disappointment at all. Besides, languages will always be there if you ever decide to go back to them.”

“Thanks,” he said. “That means a lot.”

After that, we chatted for a few more minutes, during which time I asked how his courses had gone and he said he’d done well in his first year and was pleased with his marks. He had just come from the bookstore with some summer reading… pretty deep stuff on humanism and philosophy, especially for an 18-year old. I was impressed and I told him so, wrapping up the conversation on a positive note. We parted ways on good terms, exchanging smiles and good wishes.

It struck me strange that our paths never crossed once during the winter semester, but rather, once classes had ended for the year, thus giving him the chance to honestly tell me that things had worked out well for him during the academic year.

It also occurred to me that it was ironic that our chance meeting took place in the phys ed. building… the very place I’d faced many of my own struggles in the fall semester. Seems we both overcame our respective obstacles… just in different ways.

Funny how these things work out, sometimes…

He’s a good kid… and didn’t deserve to carry around the feeling that he’d disappointed me… or himself. I was thankful to have the chance to get closure on the situation.

This has been one of the most stressful, draining and emotionally demanding weeks that I’ve had in a long time… Some of it I have blogged about and other bits, I’m not quite ready to blog about yet... but suffice to say, it has taken it’s toll… Today’s encounter put an unexpectedly positive twist on things and was a nice way to end the week.

Tomorrow is a new day

The Calgary Flames lost. I watched the game. It was lousy.

My 11-year old white cat, Nimbus, who has a voracious and unstoppable appetite is -- for the first time in her life -- refusing to eat. She walks around howling, then sleeping, only punctuated by the occasional vomit.

My Dad hit a deer. He's OK, as is the car. The young deer got up and ran into the woods, so apparently, he's OK, too.

Oh yeah... and my cousin, Gary (brother to Brian, who died in 1995 from AIDS-related causes, and son to Donna, my aunt who remains in the hospital with a broken femur that refuses to heal -- both of whom I have blogged about in posts past) committed suicide this week by sticking a shotgun in his mouth and firing.

I just found out... (as the Flames were losing to the Ducks). The funeral is on Saturday. In Ontario. Neither my brother, nor I can get there for it.

I sure am glad tomorrow is another day... One that may well require a trip to the vet for kitty...

For now, it's definitely time to wrap up this day.

For Angie - Hip ab- and adductor exercises

Since Angie asked what I am doing for my hip ab- and adductors (and I couldn't find an e-mail addy on her page!!) I thought I'd do a quick post.

Let me preface it by saying that these were not my idea. Chris, my trainer, went to a session given by Dr. Reed Ferber of the Running Injury Clinic. Following that, two things happened. One, I got new (as in, more) exercises, including these cable extensions. Two, I went to Reed Ferber's session on injury prevention at the Running Symposium I attended in March and saw him speak for myself.

I was impressed with his knowledge, focus on research and what seemed like a good, solid, common sense approach. (And didn't Rob say common sense was sexy? Right on!)

Anyway, at my gym we have this thing called the Total Leg Machine. I'm sure it can subject its users to any variety of tortures, but my particular tortures are hip adductor extensions (4 sets of 10, per leg) -- as seen on this swanky website -- and hip abductor extensions (4 sets of 10, per leg) -- going in the opposite direction. Hence, the 80 reps a day, per leg.

The idea is to do them daily until you have worked up to 4 sets of 10 (which I have). From there, you start doing them without holding on to anything for support. So far, I can only do the last two of my four sets "hands free"... It's way harder than you'd think! Hint: You have to be careful to control the motion and not let momentum take over.

The result has been an incredible increase in stability, at times, very sore hips and glutes and the development of "thunder thighs"... surprisingly strong thunder thighs, I might add! (No, that is not an invitation for saucy comments, so don't even think about it!!) I just want to run again!

So there you go, Angie. Hope it helps!

If you experiment long enough, eventually something blows up.

I had my hair cut on the weekend. I have decided that I like it short… especially considering my activity level these days. Nice and easy…

I worry about it looking butch, but everyone tells me that this is not something I need to fret about, so I tend to put it out of my mind.

This time, the Deva took one look at my hair and said, “It’s dry… and green! What did you do to it?!”

“Ummm…. I took swimming lessons?” I said, looking at him pleadingly.

He snorted, “I can see that! Well, we’ll just have to fix this up, now, won’t we?” He said with his usual flair, pulling out his scissors.

I didn't see the green myself, but I am no expert in such matters...

As he was cutting away he said, “With hair this short you need a kick ass colour.”

“Well, go mix one up then,” I said, adding, “You know I trust you.”

And I do trust him. We’ve been together seven years… including the two years he took off to go work on a cruise ship and we stayed in touch via e-mail. He sent long stories about life on the ship and I replied with messages such as, “Glad you’re enjoying the high seas, now get that beautiful black ass of yours back to Calgary so you can do my hair, dammit!”

And back he came… opened up his own salon, and has moved up to doing the hair and make-up for various local TV personalities. All the while, he has never forgotten his loyal clients from his early days. He's truly "good people", that Deva.

So basically, I let him do whatever… and usually I am pleased.

This time though… it’ll take some getting used to…

The result? Short, spikey… and a dark, reddish brown, with a few chunky blonde highlights. Dramatic… Which is not really my style… But, what’s a non-drama queen to do? Slap on some eyeliner and deal with it, I guess. Or at least, that’s what I did this morning.

I might get used to it yet… If not, it’ll grow out and I’ll change it next time. In the meantime, I'm gonna try to feel "kick ass"... So far though, no dice.

April training in review - a good month

A few months back my trainer got me started logging my daily workouts. I eventually added in a monthly goals section and a month-end review to see if I had achieved the goals I'd set out.

I think he felt that he'd unleashed a bit of a monster... I logged... and logged... and logged... Then I'd ask him to review it all. The poor guy took an extra hour of his own time to read through all my comments for our last session earlier this month. I told him he was a freak for having done so, but that I appreciated it all the same.

Today, I reviewed my log myself, looking back at the month of April, what goals I’d set out… what I’d done or not done. I must admit… I was relatively happy, which is unusual for me, since I am more likely to feel that I have accomplished nothing, not gone far enough, not done well enough, etc. But this month… it’s pretty much all good…

I got the custom-made orthotics and subsequently ditched my hot little bionic leg (that’s a knee brace to everyone except Rob… to him it’ll always be a hot bionic leg, bless his heart). To make things even better, I officially got the green light from Tim, my physiotherapist, to go back to the bike. (Yaaay! Land cardio!)

Despite taking up "land cardio" again, I even made an attempt to go and practice swimming one day, with another woman from my swimming class. We spent more time laughing than we did swimming, but at least we got out there and tried.

I have been practicing on that blasted bosu almost every day and I daresay that my balance with the new orthotics is coming back. It's not there 100%, but it's much better than a few weeks ago.

And I’ve been doing 80 (yes, count ’em… as in 40 per leg) ab- and adductor extensions per day, six days a week. Despite the fact that they are getting hideously boring, I am getting more stable and can do the last set of each exercise “hands-free” now.

Still keeping up with the daily physio exercises (minus the squats, which we figured out contributed to the leg swelling.) Otherwise, I am nauseatingly disciplined... but it is worth it.

Why? Because my leg and knee are less swollen than they were and the pain has subsided considerably... I only feel it occasionally now. I am also better able to manage the inflammation now, too. Same goes for the back pain that was definitely a problem in March. Between modifying my activities and being very pro-active about being kind to my back, I have been able to take my physio appointments from once a week to once every two weeks.

A very personal breakthrough was that I was able to start using the mirrors in the gym this month. I have avoided using them for reasons I won’t go into here (hint: poor body image). In case you are wondering, I have learned all my exercises without the aid of a mirror… perhaps not doing them 100% correctly, but well enough to avoid a trip to the hospital. One day it occurred to me that if I was really going to integrate fitness with my values, I had to be able to “face myself”, in every sense of the word. And so, I have.

On the downside, I must say that I feel a bit isolated working on my own these days, but that is OK. My goal remains the same as it has for the past couple of months... to get the injury healed and be in good enough shape to run. When I am there, I will get "plugged in" to Calgary's running community. I am considering volunteering at a race or two this season, even if I can't participate. I figure that might be a good way to get connected...

But overall this month, there have been huge strides forward… healing and getting stronger.

In May, I have signed up for both Hatha yoga and Pilates, just to add a new challenge… I am looking forward to next month!

Out with the old; in with the new - Spring fever hits my iPod

I remember back when I first started blogging I posted about Coldplay, having been introduced to them by AB (a.k.a. “Young Cousin”, the quick-witted 20-something who visited last year from England). I heard them and instantly took to their music.

The post resulted in a comment from CM, a dear friend of 15+ years to the effect of, “Coldplay?! Women our age don’t listen to Coldplay!”

Oh? No one told me I was too old for Coldplay. By the time I found out, it was too late... I was already into them. I liked their music, but knew little about their typical following. (I mean come on, it’s not like they’re the Backstreet Boys, or something!) So, I just kept right on listening.

Mind you, all that’s a moot point now. I’ve had my fill of Coldplay, at least for now. As the cold of winter gives over to spring fever, I’ve diverted my attentions to… er… a new interest.

Don’t get me wrong… I still like Coldplay, but I’ve discovered something else… something new… something a little … hotter.

Move over Coldplay, because Reggaeton is moving in.

Yup. You read that right.

Reggaeton.

I’ve absolutely fallen in love with this brand of Latin-HipHop-type stuff, raunchy lyrics and all.

I’ve spent the last few weeks searching out Reggaeton music for my iPod and updating it with some new sounds for spring. (I’ve left some of the classic rock on there, but cut out a lot of songs that I am either bored of or that I am just not that into). Much of the Reggaeton stuff I’ve found has a fantastic beat that just works for me in the gym… with Aguakate being my group of choice, so far.

I can just imagine that CM is fainting over her cup of tea right now and Young Cousin is thinking, “Oh-my-God! We’ve got to put a stop to this. Now!”

That should make for some good conversation over drinks during his visit next month! I am sure I will hear about this after a few vodkas...

Anyway, back to the new music… It’s delicious… vibrant… different… a wonderful mix of the Latin music I’ve loved for years, but with an edgy, “streety” twist that gives it a kind of raw energy that just can’t be beat.

Oh yeah.

Sarah's sexy secrets to weight loss (?!)

I figured that this post needed a sexy title.

Now, before we go any further, think about your reaction to that title. What did you think? How did it make you feel?






One of my favorite quotes from my qualitative research course in the fall semester was, “Research shows that 100% of people who engage in the practice of eating eventually die.” (I forget who wrote it.)

The point of the quote was to make us think critically about what we read, not to believe everything, and not to be satisfied with an answer (however logical it may seem) until we have the whole picture.

Lately, I’ve noticed myself getting angry when I read certain articles about food. I just got a newsletter that said to “eat more grains rich in water-soluble fibre”. It’ll help lower cholesterol and aid digestion. Good idea!

Another article in a magazine that made its way into our kitchen touted the benefits of eating more protein. That one went on to give suggestions in the number of grams of protein a person should eat a day, giving an example of three eggs at one meal as a suitable portion of protein.

“Three eggs at one meal?” I thought. “Maybe if you’re an Olympian… and even then!”

I forget exactly how much protein it recommended per day… I remember thinking that it seemed like an enormous amount. There was no mention of caloric intake relative to body weight, nor any reference to daily activity levels with respect to nutritional needs.

I ultimately tossed the article aside, disgusted.

Really, how do things like this get published? People take this stuff at face value and then go on rampages, stuffing their faces with whatever fad seems to be the flavour of the day.

What gets me about these “Eat more X!” articles is that they rarely talk about what to cut out… Sure, eating more whole grains is a good idea… but not if it is in addition to half a loaf of Wonder bread for breakfast. Instead of “eat more”, how about “choosing differently”?… I personally like the articles that talk about “choose such and such more often, and this other thing less often.” I mean, no one can be good all the time, right?

If you’ve been reading the blog regularly, you know that not only has my weight dropped somewhat since the last school year, but that it is a result of being on a quest for a healthy lifestyle, rather than a mission to lose weight. In fact, I’ve become somewhat of an advocate of healthy living (though I do try to refrain from preaching, so I appreciate you indulging me a bit here...)

The other day at work I ran into a woman I hadn’t seen in a good long time. We exchanged pleasantries and she said, “You really must tell me your secret!! What eating plan are you on? LA weight loss? Jenny Craig? There’s got to be something…!”

I said, “Um... not really... Just more active and trying to eat better in general..."

"Oh come on, now!" She said, "I know you've done something! What is it?"

Fearing questions about liposuction and stomach stapling (which yes, I have been asked and no, I have not had... anyone who has seen me struggle through the process knows that) I quickly came up with, "Well, I did hire a personal trainer and that helped… I go to the gym regularly now… But as far as eating… I’m afraid it’s not very sexy… Just the Canada Food Guide.”

She looked at me and said, “Oh… Go figure.” And she walked away, a bit dejected.

And the truth is that I have found there is no “sexy secret”… Eating healthy is not rocket science… Vegetables, fruit, grains, protein… every day… Treats in moderation…

And believe me, I am far from having a perfect diet... And just for the record, I am still classified as overweight, so it's not like I am some runway model or something... But I like to think I lead a fairly healthy lifestyle, most of the time. And trust me, I have my vices, like anyone... and I'm the last one to criticize others for what or how they eat. Not to mention that I firmly believe in a daily dose of coffee laced with cream... screw the skim milk! I like dairy fat with my caffeine, thank you very much.

What gets me is the stuff we are being fed by the media. Why do we gobble up myths like, “You will be healthier if you eat a million grams of protein a day!” or “Eat more whole grains!” And who cares if you increase your caloric intake by 300% as you down a loaf -- or five -- of whole wheat bread?

For some reason, we seem to think that empty promises, like empty calories, are sexy. And sex sells, as they say... In this case, magazines and newsletters that are supposed to educate us. (See the quote at the beginning about thinking critically...) But deep down... we know those empty promises are going to leave us feeling unfulfilled... still hungry.

Personally, the thought of a reasonably portioned piece of top quality beef, grilled to perfection (rare) and a crisp salad with lots of crunchy veggies is pretty damned sexy. Three eggs and a loaf of bread in one sitting… uh… not so much.

Prodigal blogger and other labels

I know there have been studies done about online communities, but I’ve never delved into them. I do remember my reaction a few months ago when a blogger whose page I frequented suddenly and without warning simply removed his page and disappeared from Blogland.

I was shocked… felt a bit betrayed… angry… and sad. “How could he just leave like that? Without a word to anyone? Where the hell did he go?” I wondered.

Then I found out that he had sent an e-mail to yet another blogger who then told me about it… He had to take a break for a while, but said he’d be reading our blogs… “lurking”… and may be back one day.

I shrugged and thought, “Well, it’s the Internet. People can do whatever the hell they please.”

I actually had the fellow’s e-mail address somewhere and I knew his name. I could have Googled him or something, I suppose… tried to stay in contact. But really… what’s the point? I figure that if someone decides the time is right to walk away, you let them go.

Much to my surprise, he’s back… in a different guise and if it wasn’t for a particular woman (who shall remain nameless, for fear she might cause quivering in said blogger’s heart), I would never have figured out it was him. But I did... and I was pleased to see he was back.

The whole thing got me thinking about the people we meet via blogs. I mean, there are those with great big hearts who send Christmas fruitcake to you from halfway around the globe because you half-jokingly asked if she would. And she did.

There are those who share a common passion -- even if that passion is something I myself cannot partake in at the moment… But as we all know, passion runs in the veins… (pun intended.)

There are those whose values and spirituality speak to your soul and you wish you could just chat with them over coffee… or listen to one of their sermons (which is saying something, considering that I do not attend church!)

The other day, I was chatting with someone about the supposed compartment syndrome in my leg. I wanted to tell the person about Olga and her experiences with it, but I got all fumbled up in my words...

What to call her? I almost said, “My friend, Olga…” but I thought, “Friend? You’ve never even met the woman!” Then I thought about “blogger buddy”… but if you don’t blog, then you wouldn’t get it. I finally said, “A woman I know…”

This led me to think of a dinner party I attended around Christmas with a few friends – the ones who got me into blogging, actually. And yes, they’re real people, whom I’ve known offline for years!

Part of the conversation got around to blogging… and what was happening in the lives of fellow bloggers, most of whom were people we’d never met. We marveled at ourselves, talking about these people as if they themselves could have been at the dinner party.

(Gosh... that sounds kinda bad! We really are normal people.... With lots to talk about. Honest!)

I was talking (yes, again, actually talking) to another friend, who is dead set against blogging. He thinks it is just plain weird. Not to mention the fact that he’s not a huge fan of technology. “Why don’t people actually sit down face to face and have a conversation?” He asked.

I responded, “They do. We’re doing that right now. Blogging is just another way of having a conversation.”

I tried to explain. He tried to understand… but still seemed to think that we are losing our “human touch” in this technology-driven world. I countered that technology can pull people apart or bring them together… it all depends on how you choose to use it.

I thought of my Dad, whose been a ham radio aficionado since before I was born. He knows everything there is to know about radios… How to build them, how to repair them, how to use them, how to teach other people to use them…. He and his wife both have their radio handles and have chatted with people from all over. My guess is that he has his community of “radio buddies” in much the same way as I have “blogger buddies”. I have no idea how many of them he’s ever met… but I doubt it’s more than a handful at best… though I could be wrong.

Could it be that blogging is to our generation what ham radio was to my Dad’s? Only now, it’s way cooler. (Sorry, Dad!)

To my prodigal blogger buddy, welcome back, man. And if you ever take off like that again, I will find you… just so I can smack you upside the head. (Kidding!)

How to impress a girl

It's one thing when a man looks into your eyes and says, "I never understood why a guy would go to the ends of the earth for a woman... until I met you."

It's another thing when he shows up the next day with a bucket of paint and a sprayer, ready to transform your shabby basement into a working office space. That is, after having installed all the appropriate wiring for a phone and Internet line in said office-to-be.

Words... and actions that speak louder than them.

I am grateful, if not slightly overwhelmed.

Bye bye, knee brace! (At least for now...)

Well, I just have to tell you that I am thrilled!

After another physio appointment today, I was officially told that I could get back on the bike (which I’ve been on anyway…) and (drum roll, please!) without the knee brace.

Woo hoo!

In case you didn’t hear that: WOO HOO!

The knee and leg are both still swollen, though less so. My lower leg doesn’t hurt any more and my knee generally hurts less. My back is less sore than it was and I manage to relax it with the help of a heating pad. So… Things are definitely improving… though slowly. (Could the custom-made orthotics be part of the reason? I think so, maybe...)

I am still barred from running, or even walking, as part of my exercise routine (sigh…) but trying the bike again without the knee brace is a huge step forward.

Zippity do dah!

Tim, my physio guy said, “I don’t know about running, Sarah…” Implying that he didn’t know if I’d ever be back to running.

I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I will run again.”

“You really like it, eh?” He asked, looking at me to gauge my reaction.

“Uhh… yeah!”

I was thinking to myself, “Do you think I’d be so damned dedicated and determined with these daily exercises and rehab if I didn’t have a goal??” Clearly, he doesn’t know me. Though he did say that he thought I was patient… in some ways.

I told him, “I have no intention of spending every day in that gym like I did last summer. This year, I plan to be outside running.”

Tim said “I hope so…”, as if he was trying to convince himself as much as me.

So I quickly fired back, “Good. If we both hope, it is more likely to happen, isn’t it?”

He nodded… and pulled over the little cart on wheels that holds all his acupuncture needles, in preparation to work on me.

So, we ended the session agreeing that I would go back on the bike, without the knee brace and wait two more weeks before another appointment. For now, I will stay off the elliptical machine, and add in one thing at a time, so we can see what, if anything, triggers pain.

To celebrate, I went to the gym after physio… and got on the bike for 17 minutes, before doing my physio exercises and weights.

Baby steps… or bike revolutions… whatever! It’s progress. And I’m happy.

Knee, leg and fitness update

I know I’ve been kind of quiet lately on the updates about my knee and leg. Partly it is due to the fact that it is the end of the school year and I need to wrap my head around that more than anything at the moment, but since a few of you have asked in e-mails, I thought I’d do a quick post. Here goes:

Knee/leg update

Between my massage therapist showing me a technique to drain the swelling from my leg, which I do a few times a week now (though not as well as she does it of course…); making friends with a heating pad; following Bast’s advice on Epsom salt baths and generally trying to listen to my body, things are feeling better.

The swelling and pain in my lower leg is down, though not gone completely. Eliminating exercises (and yes… even squats – woo hoo!) that seemed to increase the swelling and put more pressure on the lower leg helped a great deal.

About a week ago, I got the custom-made orthotics. I didn’t want to post about them right away, because to be honest, the experience wasn’t exactly pleasant. I felt like my hips were being ripped out of their sockets on the first day. After that, it got easier. Now, I hardly notice that they are there at all… except when I do exercises on the bosu. Then, I wobble and lurch, falling in all different directions in a heap. But hell, what do I care? I’d rather have less pain than be a bosu expert.

And besides, I’m determined, so I’ve been on that darned thing almost every day, flying around with arms extended… I will get my balance back, dammit!

I also wear my knee brace almost every time I work out now. I tried taping the knee one day, but the brace is much better, so I went back to it. I hope that I will not need it forever, but I guess you never know, right? For now, it helps... a lot.

So… things are getting better… In my last physio appointment, Tim said to try and wait two weeks until the next appointment, so I won’t be going back until next week. In the meantime, I have been working hard to manage things on my own and for the most part, it seems to be OK.

Fitness update

Because my knee and leg were feeling better, I thought I’d try the cardio machines again and see how my leg responded. I started with 5 minutes on the bike and the next day, I tried the elliptical. Both were OK.

Me being me, I had myself up to 45 minutes of cardio in a week and that proved to be a bit too much for my knee and now, I am feeling it. Nothing like jumping in with both feet, eh?

Anyway, I will have to ease off again for a few days, but it feels good just to be back on the machines. It is slow going, but I can see and feel some improvement. If nothing else, this is good for my sanity.

I am still doing all my physio exercises diligently… every day… Except the squats. Have I mentioned how happy it makes me not to have to do squats??

Having said that, I have these exercises for the ab- and adductors, as well as hip rotators that I also do every single day. These exercises, combined with all the physio stuff, take about 45 minutes... Yes... six times a week. Ugh! I have noticed a difference though, I must say… I now officially have “thunder thighs”, but they are feeling stronger and more stable, so I do not care!!

My package of personal training sessions has finished now, so I am working on my own. Of course, I am still dedicated… keeping my progress log and working out six days a week… I have mixed feelings about working out on my own, but I know I can do it.

I have signed up for some yoga and pilates classes, starting in May, just to change things up a bit. I think I have figured out that strength training and running (whenever I get back to it!) will be my base activities and I think I’d also like to keep challenging myself to try new things and learn different activities. I was never very athletic as a kid, so there are a lot of things out there to go and try… and with any luck, I have a few decades to fit them all in!

So, in short, there has been progress… It is very, very slow and I still get quite frustrated, but never mind… It’s all about the journey, right?

"I will survive!"

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified…”

OK, so the rest of the song doesn’t really apply, but those first few words could effectively describe this school year… I was scared senseless about starting my Ph.D… I kept thinking, “They’ve made a mistake admitting me into this program. They don’t know that I’m not really all that smart… They’re going to find out… and boot my sorry ass outta here!”

Those fears were chased by more thoughts… “I’m scared about how the stress of school will affect my health… In my last degree I packed on 70 lbs. I want to do it differently this time… I want to be healthy… God, I hate that fucking gym!”

Today is the last day of the academic year. As I sit here writing this, I can hear the raucous sounds of Bermuda Shorts Day outside the student centre. BSD, as it is called for short, is a huge year-end party (drunk fest, mostly). Typically the students wear shorts or other summer wear, regardless of whether it is sunny and warmish, as it is today, with an expected high of 14C, or slamming it down with snow, as has happened in previous years. The students don’t care. It’s their last day and they want to par-tay!

I have donned a pair of Capri pants and sandals… somewhere between “BSD” garb and dress that is appropriate for staff (seeing as how I wear both hats around here!) I just couldn’t help it… I felt this twinge of “Oh my God! I’ve officially survived the first year! How cool is that?”

Granted, it was not perfect. I struggled through much of it… full of self-doubt, fear, never enough time to do anything, always thinking I should have done more and done it better… Had a few meltdowns along the way, but somehow managed to suck it up and keep going… And at the end of the day, I have survived my first year.

If I reflect on how things have changed since starting this school year, a few things that stand out are:

• I may not really be all that smart, but I don’t think they made a mistake admitting me into the program… I’m on about the same level as most of my classmates (or so I like to think!) And besides, to think that an entire selection committee messed up would be implying that they aren’t too smart… Not a good thing, given that they’re my professors! So, I’ve accepted it… I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing.
• I am healthier and stronger now than I’ve ever been in my entire adult life. I still worry about whether I’ll be able to maintain it, but I figure a little worry is a good thing… It’ll keep me dedicated.
• I have gone from hating the gym to enjoying it… In fact… I like it now… really, really like it. (Sssshhh!…. Don’t let my trainer hear that! I wouldn’t want him to think he’s won or anything…)
• When I started my Ph.D. program I went in kicking and screaming against theory, saying, “I’m a practitioner, not a theorist, dammit!” Now, I realize that I am both… In fact, I like theory a whole lot more than I was willing to admit. And I have accepted that being a theorist doesn’t have to be at the expense of being a good teacher. You can be both… and should strive to be if you want a career in academia (IMHO).

Anyway, there you have it. And in the words of my Ph.D. supervisor, “Classes end… but the work continues.” I will survive.

Z. and baby -- and general update

Introducing Samuel... a week old as of yesterday. Went to see Mom and babe yesterday, after a hectic week at school. He's beautiful and Mom is healing nicely, too...

As for life in my world, all is well, though I am hellishly behind in my school work. Feeling better about the gym stuff, now that I am back on the bike and eliptical machine for 15 minutes at a time... It's not much, but it's better than I have been doing... baby steps.

Also, I'm not feeling overtrained any more. I started being relentless about getting enough sleep and that helps immensely.

Anyway, off to have dinner with my friend, Wei and her husband, Ming. Ming arrived from China last September and has been taking English classes over the past several months. Tonight will be the first chance for the three of us to socialize together... Yaay!

Sarahspace Cloud

Thanks to Anvilcloud, I tried making a word cloud from Snapshirts, too. Very cool. Thanks for the inspiration...

I am a fish...

...Well, not quite, but tonight was the last lesson of Level One swimming. And I survived!

We had fun and with five of us, plus the teacher, the class was small enough that we all knew each other’s names and had a few laughs.

In tonight’s class we actually put arms and legs together and swam. Woo hoo! We practiced everything we had learned… floating, gliding, sculling, flutter kicking and the piece de resistance – front crawl.

I discovered that I can scull backwards (feet first) pretty darn well. In fact, it was one of my favorite things!

Anyway, I managed to do the front crawl MUCH better than I did a few months ago when I was going to the pool for cardio. Getting actual instruction in how and when to breathe turned out to be rather crucial. (Go figure!)

It is still far from pretty. But it is still a heck of lot better than when I did it on my own.

I was asking around for as well for some tips – or possibly a private class – in water running. Turns out that there are none… just water aerobics. From what I gather, although everyone talks about how great water running is for injured “land runners”, not so many of them actually get in the pool and do it! (I can understand this… I’ve been injured since November and I’m just seriously starting to ask questions now…)

I will definitely go practice my front crawl again soon, but I’m quite keen on this water running thing, so all tips and tricks are appreciated!

And I used to think needles were bad... Well, I'd rather have needles than knives...

I haven’t posted for a few days because I have been busy digesting information…

Haven’t been to see Z. and baby yet, as there were only two people at a time allowed in the hospital unit she was in… and understandably, that was usually family members. Hope to get to see them soon though! I have seen photos and he is one cute little guy!

As for the information I’ve been trying to digest…

I went to see the sports med specialist on Friday. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with my leg. He says it sort of presents like compartment syndrome, but the fact that I don’t lose feeling in my foot or leg means that it is not that. He took a tape measure and actually measured my calves. There was half a centimetre difference between the legs, which he said, even given bodily asymmetry is still an appreciable difference.

It was first thing in the morning… prior to the gym and the usual daily activity. In other words, the swelling was at its lowest point in the day.

I told him that when I go for physio, Tim puts needles in my back and the swelling in my leg goes down. The doctor, who works in the same clinic as my physiotherapist and so, knows him personally, just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and said, “Yeah… um… I can’t explain that.”

The next thing he said threw me for a loop, “I’m going to talk to the surgeon about this. It’s not compartment, but it seems like it… Maybe we should go in there and release that pressure with surgery….”

I just about fell off my chair.

There is one test that he thinks the surgeon will recommend first. It has something to do with measuring the amount of pressure build up in my leg. He didn’t give me too many details (other than to tell me that it would be $200 out of my own pocket, as it is not covered under Medicare). I didn’t ask for details. I was in too much shock after hearing the word “surgery”.

I asked about custom orthotics. He said, “Yeah, OK, I can give you a prescription for those…”

And he did. Since they are fully covered under my student health plan, I figured now was the time. But it was kinda weird… The doctor didn’t seem to really be in favour or disfavour of them… Just kind of ambivalent... But he was really into the surgery idea, it seemed.

I am baffled… and to be honest, quite upset… deeply upset… about this idea of surgery… especially when there is no clear diagnosis. I guess I am a bit chicken… I have never had surgery in my life.

Anyway, I went today and had my feet cast for the orthotics. Went to the same place as I got the knee brace, which by the way, I am wearing every time I work out now, on Tim’s recommendation. It totally eases the pain, though I am worried about becoming dependent on it…

The guy at the orthotics place seemed convinced that what is going on in my lower leg is connected to my knee... and feet. He said that the tibialis anterior is one of the muscles that holds up the arch in the foot, and so, the orthotics should relieve some of the stress on it. Here's hoping...!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering… still not allowed to run. I have, however, been experimenting again with the stationary bike and elliptical… I can take about 15 minutes before my knee or leg starts grumbling, so that’s what I do.

Meanwhile, I can’t stop thinking about the surgery idea… How could this happen? I make a commitment to explore what it means to have an active lifestyle, with a view to leading a healthy, balanced life and next thing I know, I’m injured to the point that there’s an expert wanting to chop me up with knives?

Life was much easier as a 5' couch potato pushing 200 lbs., that’s all I can say…

On a happy note, I went through my closet tonight and tried on almost all my clothes, to see what fits and what doesn't. Even the size 12's are big now, so it's looking that I'm definitely down into the size 8/10 range. Have a big bag of clothes to donate to the Sally Ann now, which makes me feel good...

Houston, we have a baby!

I just got the call that Z. had her baby boy by C-section at 2:00 a.m. this morning.

7 lbs., half an ounce. No name yet. She wants to get to know him for a couple of days first.

From all accounts, both Mom and baby are doing well.

No baby yet...

I came home last night a bit worried... Z. was in full-on labour, water broken, but not much else happening.

Her sister-in-law, who is a nurse, was there, along with J., the Chinese medicine doctor... so... people with medical training... I thought, "Well, Sarah, you've never had a baby, so... What do you know?"

I just called this morning. No baby yet. The midwife was finally there and decided that the baby is in distress (well, duh!) and has advised that Z. go to the hospital.

They are just preparing to take her to the hospital now... Will update later...

Update

Z. was apparently getting ready for the "real" part of labour. Her water broke at 3:40 a.m. People have been taking shifts with her ever since. At the moment, I am on a "rest" shift... will go back soon.

Contractions are at 5.5 - 5.0 minutes apart now. When they are consistently 5 minutes apart, the midwife will be called.

Z. is doing great. She's completely exhausted (already ... it's been 2.5 days, after all). Apart from being a bit weepy, she's strong, focussed and very, very calm.... meditating most of the time.

She's one strong Mama, that's for sure.

No update

So... no update on Z. yet. She was still having contractions last night, but not much else happened. She managed to have a shower, which made her feel better and then started eating like no one has ever seen her eat before in her entire life. Then, she crashed and wanted to sleep.

Most of us left, thinking maybe it wasn't quite time for Baby yet.

We shall see... I will keep you updated.

Legs and baby (not belonging to the same person!)

Two quick things...

Item one (less important)

I had another physio appointment today. As usual... many needles... though not as many as last time.

Good news: Knee is feeling better (though still puffy).

Bad news: the physio says he would not be surprised if it IS compartment syndrome... though was VERY careful about not giving me a diagnosis, telling me to wait and see what the doctor says... sigh...

More good news: I am now barred from doing squats until further notice, as it increases the swelling in my leg. (Woo hoo! No more squats!)

More bad news: I am still barred from running, or even walking, during workouts.


Item two (very important!)

I will keep this blog posting short, as my friend Z. over at Peel me a grape in labour. She is giving birth at home, with friends and family taking shifts being with her, and a midwife and her assistant to do the actual delivery.

My role (seeing as how I've never had a baby myself, nor do I have the slighest idea how to deliver one) is to keep everyone fed and nourished through the process. Whipped up a lasagne for dinner last night and tonight, it is slow cooker stew. (Baby wasn't expected for another week, so I had to do some scrambling on the food...)

When I left her house late this morning, Z. had been in labour for 35+ hours and still not dilated. Another close friend, J., is a Chinese medicine doctor and was preparing to do some accupuncture to move things along a bit.

I am on my way home to grab the stew and then go back over to Z.'s house for a few hours.

I am supposed to study tonight, but somehow I can not focus on my reading!!!

Will update again after baby arrives...

Update on training - a.k.a. Workout 101 - Year in review

I realize that I have posted about running and injuries lately, but not actually “training”. I’m quite sure that I drive my trainer nuts. For me, “training” is not about having him shout commands at me (this rarely happens, actually) or me saying that I want a bigger this or a smaller that (which never happens, mostly because it doesn’t occur to me to ask). When I started my “training” late last summer (right before school started), I didn’t really know what I wanted, except to get fit, be healthy and have some balance in my life.

I did want to lose weight, but I did not want that to be the focus of the training. I have exercised for the purpose of losing weight before and succeeded. Sort of. My weight plummeted to unhealthy levels and I was less healthy, it seemed, than when I carried extra pounds.

This time, I wanted to learn about health and lifelong fitness, which is quite different from exercising like a fiend to be skinny.

As this academic year draws to an end, it occurs to me that not only is it Year One of the Ph.D. but that my physical training could be considered an extra course. We could call it Workout 101. I spent the year learning basic principles, practicing regularly, logging results (and “journaling”, so there’s a mix of both quantitative and qualitative results there), and various other activities. The biggest challenge in the first semester was overcoming my fears about actually being in a gym… especially one populated by young, buff muscle boys (some of whom grunt in the most inhuman manner). Ew. Thank God for iPod, is all I can say!

I also re-discovered a love of running in the fall… and went forward with such zealous enthusiasm that by Remembrance Day, I was beginning to feel the first twinges of what would go on to become a nagging knee and leg injury, lasting through the rest of the winter (and continues…)

Around the same time as the injury, I began to worry about if (or how) I could make this a lifestyle change over the long term. I realized that my ignorance about how a human body (MY human body) works was holding me back. I had led such a cerebral existence for such a long time, it’s like I wasn’t even connected to my body. This was evidenced by my own lack of being able to “feel” certain things during workouts, my awkwardness and general lack of skill. I figured out that in order to “get connected” that I would have to bring a cerebral element into my workouts.

Hence, I became the only person in the entire gym (that I noticed) whose trainer walked around with a basic anatomy book, pointing out what muscles were being used in which exercise, naming them, explaining how they’re all connected and how they worked in relation to other bits. I was being a geek… but I was getting it.

I managed to stay active over the holidays and moved on to the on to second semester, where I began to explore how exercise related to my life values. Since “fitting in” with the muscle heads was not exactly one of my life aspirations, I had to figure out why all this was important to me.

I must say… doing that was fairly ground-breaking… Things have felt different… better… since then.

I (usually) didn’t need anyone to stand next to me and bark at me, “Three more! Two more!... OK, fourteen million more!” I am ferociously diligent and nauseatingly dedicated all on my own.

What I did need was someone to help me figure out what it can mean to be fit and healthy in a general, long-term sense… learn how my own body works, what it can (and can not) do, how to push it and when to back off. Just for fun (because I can’t help it) I had to go and explore things like how exercise relates to spirituality and life callings and other “out there” stuff. Of course, I told my trainer about all this. I’m not sure he quite knew what to do with me.

As the semester ends, my training sessions are also coming to an end. I had a 10-pack of sessions that pretty much took me through the term. My trainer will only be at his current job for a few more months and then moving on to bigger and better things. And I am not feeling particularly inspired to train with anyone else at the moment and so, I figure it is time to try this out on my own for a while.

Signing up for swimming lessons was part of a new quest to be independent, learn new things and also, to drag myself out of a bit of a mental rut I was in about not being able to run (still!)

I have tried my hand at putting together my own training plan, too. I talked it over with Chris. He wrote down some pointers for me and then sent me on my way to go try it, saying he would review it if I wanted, and give me some feed back.

Well, after spending two hours reviewing all the notes from every single training session since last August, doing some research on the Net and writing out and subsequently trashing three different workouts before I came up with a plan that I thought was reasonable, of course I wanted feedback! E-mailing it to him felt a bit like I was handing in a final assignment after a year-long course in “Basic Workout”.

On Friday I got my feedback: “Pretty good.”

At first, I felt kind of deflated. “‘Pretty good?’” I thought to myself. “After an entire academic year of working on this and two hours researching and drafting for this 3-week plan alone, I come out with a ‘pretty good’? Hell, he may as well have just said, ‘Passable…. but really rather mediocre.’”

Then I remembered that this trainer, for whom my term of endearment is “Sadist!”, doesn’t exactly gush forth with “warm and fuzzy” type feedback. (And really… what trainer does? That's not what we pay them for.) And so, I re-adjusted my perfectionist attitude and decided to be OK with it.

And so, I will end the academic year with letter grades in my Ph.D. courses that are respectable and what would appear to be a passing grade of “pretty good” in Workout 101.

Still though… the thought of working out on my own scares the living daylights out of me... much more so than doing a Ph.D. thesis!

Instead of whining...

I am having a TMD (total meltdown day), but instead of blogging about my woes, I thought I'd share this bit of inspiration instead.

Moment of glory for autistic teen

Thanks to Steamer for sending it to me.

General update

OK, I'm way too tired and shouldn't even be blogging, but what the hell… A quick general update is in order.

School – In short, I am loving it. It’s a crapload of work and one thing that makes me sad is that I am always strapped for time. I’m currently reading Paulo Freire’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed and Carlos Alberto Torres’ work on multiculturalism, democracy and education (too tired to remember the exact title though…) They are densely-packed works that pretty much make my brain hurt. That’s what grad school is all about, I guess. I have to say, I like this theory stuff… and I’ve never been a theorist before! God, what on earth has happened to me?

Work – Again, far too busy, but good. The replacement assistant (God, that sounds awful! But it is not, honest!) is Carmen. She’s a fellow M.A. (Spanish) graduate and we are working well together. She knows a good deal about how the University works and is catching on quicker than I expected. I am so grateful to have her there.

A fellow blogger asked what I do… I coordinate research projects at the Language Research Centre at the University of Calgary. So, between school, work and the gym (all of which are at the U), I pretty much live on campus these days…

Fitness – I have cut back a bit on the gym stuff… still keeping up with physio and rehab exercises though. Basically, my workouts were just getting too long (2-2.5 hours a day, six days a week), so I have scaled back considerably. Still a bit worried about ballooning, given that “land cardio” is pretty much out, but I’m trying to keep those worries in check…

Had my second swimming lesson tonight. I must say, I am enjoying this class! Today we worked on how to use your legs. As usual, I struggled when trying to learn new physical activities, but for once, I was not the only one! In fact, I was secretly pleased to see that I was not at the very bottom of the class, which was what I expected.

Still though… far from perfect. I can’t swim in a straight line. I go off to one side, have to stop and then start again. The teacher says I could have one leg stronger than the other, or just use one more. Says it will even out if I swim more and will also get better when we add in arms.

He poked a bit of fun at me at the end of the class when he asked us all for some feedback on what we had learned. I said, “I hate that I can’t go in a straight line.”

He said, “That’s OK, Sarah. I’m a little obsessive compulsive myself.”

At least we laughed about it. So in short, although I am not doing perfectly, I don’t entirely suck, either. And I’m having fun in the class. And a healthy dose of fun is essential these days.

In general – What can I say? It is the end of the semester and like every other student on campus, I am swamped. I get up early and go to bed late. Tonight I felt my eyes drooping on the drive home from work, so I found a CD of Maroon 5 in my collection and let their rendition of “Highway to Hell” keep me conscious until I got home. It’s not my usual driving music, but a tuckered driver has to do these things sometimes.

I miss seeing my friends regularly and communicating with my family, too. So if you’re out there and reading this blog, feel free to take the initiative to stay in touch over the next couple of weeks, please! I miss you!

Anyway, I’m all nestled into bed here, flanked by the two cats and this laptop screen is getting just a little too bright for these tired student eyes. I should stay up and study, but tonight, I just don't have it in me...

Besides I have to get up early tomorrow to finish the last 20 pages or so of reading before my 9:00 a.m. seminar class in Educational Leadership, so I’ll sign off for now...

Over and out.

March 21 - Post 2 of 2 - Ultrasound tests today

I went for the ultrasound of my leg today. And believe me, that leg was “good and aggravated” by the time I had my appointment. I hiked up my right pant leg and the technician did her thing. I heard the computer give a little “ding” every time she selected an area to highlight.

Afterwards, she went and got the doctor. He came in and had a look… The he felt my leg and said, “What IS that? Is that muscle?” prodding my shin. He gave me a wink and said, “Are you just showing off your big muscles?”

“Hardly!” I said, looking at my puffy leg.

He said that the fascia was intact, and seemed puzzled. Said he’d had another patient who presented with similar symptoms not long ago. His suspicion is that the muscle has grown faster and bigger than the fascia can handle and so, the fascia has stretched (in the same way that you could stretch Saran Wrap, without tearing it). The muscle bulges out of this stretched area, causing swelling and pain.

He examined my other leg, to do a comparison… No swelling there… Why it would happen in one leg and not the other is beyond me, unless it is related to the knee somehow…

He said, “My guess is that the muscle has grown too big too quickly for the fascia to handle it.”

I looked at him like he was nuts. It’s not like I take steroids… or even supplements. I stay away from all that crap. I stick to the Canada Food Guide pretty religiously… Though if I have too much of anything, it is probably red meat. I cannot imagine how my leg muscle could have grown so fast that it stretched out my fascia… and only on one side??? That’s nuts! But then again… I am no medical professional.

“What can I do about it?” I asked.

“Stop.” He said. “Stop exercising. Stop living. Stop breathing. Otherwise, I don’t think there’s much you can do. Probably if you stopped exercising completely, it would go away. If I hadn’t seen that other case, I wouldn’t have known what to think. It’s totally weird… The stretched fascia is all I can think of.”

I said, “Would weight training make it worse, do you think?”

He replied, “Oh very likely. I’m not a big fan of weights myself…But wait and see what the sports medicine specialist says… He’s the expert, not me.”

I left happy, knowing that the fascia is not torn.

I left unhappy, having been told to “stop exercising” and that there was no clear (preliminary) diagnosis. I was also unhappy to hear that weight training is probably making it worse.

Not only has weight training become one activity I like, given that I am barred from running and all other “land cardio”, it is also one activity I can do... have learned to do... And have developed a modest amount of confidence in doing. Not to mention that certain exercises are part of my physiotherapist-prescribed rehab for the knee.

I will wait and see what the sports med specialist says next Friday. In the meantime, I have eliminated calf-raises from my weight training program and lowered the weights on exercises that impact my calves.

I have Googled “stretched fascia” and came up with nothing… Sites on plantar fasciitis and tummy tucks… that’s it.

So, if anyone out there has ever heard of this, please leave a comment. So far, this has stumped my physiotherapist, the ultra sound doctor and the sports medicine specialist.

What gets me is I’m not a top level athlete. I’m not even a middle-level athlete. Hell, I’d be lucky to be allowed at the back of the pack! Argh!!

Oh yeah… on a good note, my first swimming class went well yesterday. I won’t post details, as this post is already long, so I’ll just say that it was good. More details in a future post.

March 21 - Post 1 of 2 - Yesterday's run

Yesterday, I ran.

4 K.

5 K in total if you count the warm-up and cool down laps I walked around the track.

It’s the first time since November 26 that I have just gone out and run. No run / walk combination… just run.

Now, you’d think that with a messed up knee, tendonitis and some weird, unidentified lower leg thing going on that might not be such a good idea.

But it was doctor’s orders. Honest!

See, I had my ultrasound of my lower leg today. After the X-rays came back normal and the bone scan had only a couple of hot spots at the knee joint, there was nothing to explain why my right shin is swollen… and sore… all the time! No matter what I do, it’s swollen… though after the gym, it seems worse. So, the sports med guy suspected a soft tissue injury… maybe a torn fascia. (That’s the Saran-wrap type tissue surrounding the muscles, as I learned.)

The doctor told me that the day before I should, “Get out and run. Just have at ’er. Get that tissue good and aggravated so we can really see what’s going on.” He did say, “Don’t go crazy, but we want that tissue all inflamed so we can get a good look at it.”

So I did. I strapped on my sexy bionic leg, as Rob would call it (a.k.a. the knee brace) and hit the track.

My plan was to do 5 K… just like the “old days” (last fall!) I wanted to see if I still had it in me. I did not take my HR monitor, nor did I time myself. My plan was to use it as an exercise in listening to my body and have that dictate the pace.

After about 3.5 km, I noticed something I had not expected. Blisters on my right arch. I realized that I had not been running since putting the Superfeet insoles into my shoes. I guess the run / walk program didn’t cause enough friction for blisters to form. I’ve had arch blisters before so badly that they bled. I wasn’t interested in going down that road again, so I finished out the kilometre and then cooled down.

I have to say… It felt fantastic! (Even if it was a bit short...)

People ask me what it is about running that I like. I am normally an articulate person, but rarely can I find the words to adequately answer this question. I usually say things like, “Well, I suck at team sports (mostly because I don’t actually know how to play most of them!)” or “It’s not really competitive…” But in fact, that’s baloney… I tend to compete against myself every time I get out there… I know my best and worst paces and times in my head, the way some people know hockey stats.

I have also said, “I like the solitude… The meditational aspect.”

That is true… but also incomplete, as evidenced by my own desire to “get plugged in” to a running community after attending the running symposium earlier this month.

I realized yesterday what it is.

It’s very simple.

When I run, I feel free.

I don’t know why, but I feel this tremendous joy that starts somewhere deep in my soul and bubbles up, like effervescent champagne. It’s happiness, but… more than that…

I feel alive. Strong. Aware. Vibrant.

It’s sort of how I used to feel when I danced, but with running, it is much more intense.

I could say orgasmic, but to be honest, it’s not quite like that either… (Besides, that might be a bit cliché, as well as being inaccurate.)

Nah… it’s nothing so melodramatic. It’s simple… strong… free.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… I am not a fast runner. In fact, I am very slow. But who cares? I suspect that anyone who runs… who loves running… whatever their pace… feels much the same way. Otherwise, why would we do such a crazy activity that is so hard on the body?

Yesterday, I felt free... for the first time in months.

Day six of rest - Back to normal tomorrow

So, it won't be quite a full week of rest, but that is OK. I feel much more like myself now and I am glad I took this week off. I did some research on overtraining and I identified with pretty much every symptom I read about, so chances are good that's what was going on.

Tomorrow though, I'll ease back into activity.

Well... sort of...

See, on doctor's orders, I have to run tomorrow.

Yes, you read that right.

I have the ultrasound of my tibia on Tuesday, to see if there's any soft tissue damage there. The sports med specialist told me to go out for a run and "get the tissue good and aggravated, so we can get a good look at what is going on".

Well okey dokey!

I will take that knee brace out for its first real run tomorrow.

After not having run in so long, I am not sure if I'll be able to do much... I suspect my cardiovascular health has taken a bit of a nosedive... so I may have take it easy. We'll see...

I have this feeling I'll be setting up an appointment with my physio guy for later this week, after I've followed those particular doctor's orders!

Oh yeah... and as if that's not enough to jump back into the swing of things with, tomorrow night, I start swimming lessons!

Big day tomorrow!

Day five of rest - Remembering to laugh

When I got up today, everything hurt. So, I sat on the couch for a bit, with the heating pad on my back, frozen peas on my knee, a cat on my lap, my morning coffee in one hand and the Tao of Pooh in the other.

It wasn't exactly what you'd call a pretty picture, but it did happen to be exactly what I needed.

Once all the creaks were worked out and cobwebs cleared out by caffeine, I went and met A. at the gym for our peer-tutoring session. I forgot my shoes at home and so, the whole thing got delayed by 45 minutes or so, while I zoomed home and back to the university again, just to get my running shoes, which I'd taken home during my rest week, so I could do my squats in them. (Yeah, like that actually happened!)

Normally, I'm a pretty together person, but... no so much lately! Anyway, A. was very good natured about the whole thing and patiently waited for me to get my life together. I did point out, "This is the end of my rest week. Can you imagine what I was like at the beginning?"

In any event, we spent a couple of hours at the gym, trading notes on what we each do in our workouts. It was both useful and fun. We spent as much time laughing as we did showing each other different exercises... I feel inspired to start again!

But.... Not just yet.... I have one more day of rest before then, and I intend to savour it!

After the gym, we had lunch and visited. A. said something to the effect of, "It's been a long time since we've spent an entire day together!" She's right. And it felt great!

After that, I had tea with Turtle and then came home... far too pooped to party tonight, I'm afraid. I have done a bit of web surfing tonight and so far, my informal research on overtraining shows that I am exhibiting pretty much all the classic signs of it, so I think a week off was much needed.

Next week, I will change things up a bit with my fitness routine. I have signed up for swimming lessons! No doubt, there will be lots more laughs to be had as I report on that new adventure. As my friend Z. puts it, "I swim like a rock".

So stay tuned... the adventures will continue!

Tomorrow though, I will be very busy... resting!

Day three of rest - Theme word for today: "perspective"

I dreamt of my Mum last night. She died more than six years ago. I don’t like to analyze these things too much, but suffice to say that it throws me for a loop whenever I dream of her so vividly that I wake up with a physical ache that starts deep inside and radiates outwards.

You know what that feels like… the pain of saying good-bye to someone you love… I don’t have to tell you about it, I’m sure.

I had an overwhelming sense of “life is short” for the rest of the day.

I took my time this morning… actually tasted my breakfast, chilled out to the soothing Latin sounds of Cesaria Evora in the car (as opposed to the usual classic rock that accompanies me on the busy morning streets) and made a point to notice the beauty of the hoar frost that graced the trees of the campus this morning.

I went to class prepared, after having done all my readings. I was able to both listen and contribute, which I can’t do if I’m tired… I either “tune out” or become overly zealous in an effort to make a coherent contribution… But today I was engaged in the process, as they say. It was good.

And I ate.

Steak. (Yes, Turtle, you were right... steak is a good thing!)

I ate steak in the student pub with my buddy, Steamer, using up a discount coupon that was soon to expire (student budget and all...)

You could say that Steamer and I are in the same “cohort” in our Ph.D. program, but since we were the only two accepted into our specialization of Educational Leadership this year, we are a cohort of two… on different, though very similar journeys.

We have had no time to support one another or talk about our work in weeks. Today we did. We talked about losing – and regaining – our balance and how this is part of the process. We have both lost our balance a bit this year… and it was good to be reminded that this is normal.

This afternoon, I mapped out my entire schedule for next week… including time for studying, work, working out and research… and that ultra sound for my tibia.

Even though next week looks crazy again… I can see that it is week 11 of 14 in the semester… We are getting close to the end. Mapping it all out brings me a sense of relief and clarity. At least I know what is going on and what to expect when... even if the days are 12 to 14 hours long before I get to go home.

What is lost is social time, so please forgive me if I don’t see you next week… It is nothing personal! It is the end of the semester and this is all quite normal… So please don’t get upset with me if I decline invitations or seem out of touch. I will make up for it after school is done… Promise!

Despite the fact that I woke up feeling “off centre” and sad, the day has gotten progressively better… I feel a certain sense of peace and a lot more balance than I have in a few weeks.

And my knee isn’t so grumpy today. It’s not perfect… but it’s not screaming, either.

Angie was right… I feel twinges of wanting to work out again… but I will not… I know that I am finally starting to “wind down” and need to be as disciplined about getting rest as I was about working out.

Going home now… Supper is waiting for me in the fridge tonight… And I have an early date with my pillow, too...

Day two of "rest" - Irony or "bull-oney"?

Here it is the end of the work day today. I find myself troubled because:

Things have become insanely busy at work… to the extent that I have just realized that I have quite the headache from not eating… sigh… Lunch time came and went. I finally inhaled an orange at about 2:00 p.m…. Not good… Not good at all!

I had hoped to go to the library this afternoon and do some research. Didn’t happen. My primary focus is supposed to be my studies, dammit! Oh well…

On Friday, I will say good-bye both to my assistant and Acting Director for an extended period. Everyone is working overtime to try to get a stupid amount of things wrapped up before that happens.

I did think about what it would be like to work out today… Fleetingly… for half a second…. But the thought was quickly chased away by a grumpy knee and another voice that said, “Oh yeah… and with no lunch, like THAT would have been smart!”

I found myself at my wit’s end today with one particular project… to the extent that I blurted out in a meeting, “That’s just bullshit!”

No one has ever heard me talk like that in the workplace before… I’ll use expressions like, “That’s baloney!” or “That’s ridiculous!” But noooooo… Today, the “inside voice” had its way…. And got me a few sideways looks, if for no other reason than I never use “bad language” at work. To say that I am feeling a bit of pressure is rather an understatement. (If it is any consolation… I think my words had the desired effect… The decision that was made was ultimately much more sensible than how it started out… Thank God!)

So now I am off to run a couple of errands and go home to get my reading done for my seminar class tomorrow... A class I really rather like and so, I am especially motivated to be well prepared for it!

Oh yeah… and lunch… Must go get some lunch… supper… whatever….

Not so close to the edge today...

I wonder if any studies have been done on the psychology of rest?

Yesterday was my last workout for a week. And so… with the exception of an active notes-swapping session I have planned with A. this coming weekend, I won’t pass through the turn-styles of the gym for days… And when I walked out of there yesterday, it felt great to leave!

I had to stop by there to pick something up today and didn’t feel the slightest twinge of interest in working out.

How scary is that?

The fact that I had just come from physio, where Tim had once again jabbed me with countless acupuncture needles in my back and legs may have had something to do with it… I just said, “Put the needles wherever you want… They bring so much relief, I don’t care!”

And a few seconds later I added, “We’ve come a long way, haven’t we, Tim?!” I was thinking back to the days when I hated needles... Now I look forward to them!

He agreed and then said that he, too, was in favour of a rest week… (Except for my physio exercises… I still have to do those every day…)

Told me that in retrospect, my injury was most likely the result of too much, too soon… If I’d taken a gentler approach, it may not have happened… Now we need to back pedal and start slow again…

Hhhmm… gentle approach… Now there’s a concept. So, what did I do instead? I hired a trainer and start working out six days a week.

What? You mean that dropping from a size 20 to a size 10 (well… OK… an 8) in a year is not a “gentle approach”? Hhhmmm….

Anyway, I am thoroughly enjoying my rest week so far (complete with coffee treats, I might add!)

Yesterday I made HUGE strides in catching up at work and today I know my head will not hit the pillow before I’ve had some quality studying time.

My laundry is done, bills have been paid and last night… I cooked! For the first time in… well... whenever my last post about cooking was... A while ago... Yesterday was curried lentils and chicken tikka (no recipes again... sorry!)

And I still made it into bed by 10:30 p.m. And I slept better last night than I have in about two weeks.

The cherry on the sundae is that I scored the very last spot in a summer course I need for my program. I haven’t had time to register for it and I heard from two of my classmates today that the course was full, which sent my head into a tailspin… ‘till they told me that someone withdrew and there was one spot left. I pretty much ran straight to a computer and got myself signed up.

So… I guess I did get in a bit of a run, after all! (Ha ha!)

Anyway…. this rest stuff is far too delicious… God, I hope I don’t abandon the gym completely!! (I am a little worried about this...)

For now, back to the books!

Teetering on the edge... trying not to fall into the abyss!

Maybe my theme words for 2005 (“balance” and “health”) should really have been carried over into 2006. Though I do remember saying that they weren’t going to be totally forgotten…

This past week I have realized that somewhere along the way, things are more out of balance than they have been in a long time. So, I had a very tired week… A culmination of doing too much and spreading myself too thin, I’m afraid. I have snapped at people, not returned phone calls and gotten far too little sleep (actually… my sleep has been totally messed up, which makes me grumpy!)

Work has become hideously busy with the fiscal year end approaching. The interim director is good, but simply lacks the history that I have with the place. The assistant is wonderful, but would need to develop more of a skill set than she currently has to help me any more than she does now. And besides, she’s getting ready to leave for her home country to finish her studies for four months. So, I will be sans Director (a.k.a. mentor) and sans Assistant (a.k.a clerical life saver). We have an Interim Director and we will have a temporary assistant, which is much better than what it could be… But still… I feel work weighing heavily on my shoulders at the moment…

And speaking of things weighing heavily, I have noticed that my performance at the gym has been abysmal lately… I lack focus and motivation… Not to mention that I have completely plateaued.

To add insult to injury (literally) … my back began to ache and seize up about a week ago. In my last appointment with Tim (the physiotherapist), he came across loud and clear, “You’re doing too much. You need to back off.” And to drive the point home, I got needles in my thigh, my shin and all up and down my back. I stopped counting how many there were… It wasn’t nice… Though I felt much better the next day.

I started with two knees out of whack. We fixed up the left one, but the right one has been persistent in not healing… To add the lower leg and now back pain is not a good sign. Things should be getting better, not worse.

The word “burnout” has been mentioned to me by more than one person…

So, I have looked at things as objectively and clinically as I can (given my state of near exhaustion these days) and have decided to cut back on a few non-school, non-work related things and spend time focusing on studying, sleeping and generally taking care of myself. At the suggestion of both my physio guy and my trainer, I will take a week off from training and rest.

I really need to catch up on my studies and school work next week, so that is what I will do. I’ll try to keep the blog updated, but if I don’t, you’ll know that I’m busy working on the balance thing…. Not to worry... The "real" Sarah will be back soon. Promise!

Bone scan update

Went for the bone scan follow up today. The results were:

• No stress fracture. (Yaaaay!)
• No swelling of the lining of the bone. (Yaaaay!)
• No other "really nasty stuff". (Big sigh of relief...)

What the scan did show was "focal hyperemia and bone reaction at the proximal tibiofibular joint bilaterally, probably due to stress". So in other words, the bones on both lower legs, up near the knees, are trying to repair themselves.

But the exact cause why they are trying to repair themselves is still unknown.

The doctor did look at my legs and saw the swelling in the lower right leg himself. His reaction was the same as my physio guy's, "Well... that's weird."

You gotta love it when specialists use words like "weird".

He did go on to say that it is "probably some variation of normal" and might be soft tissue damage.

He explained that the muscles are covered in a tissue that acts sort of like Saran Wrap. If it tears, that can cause swelling and pain. But he's not sure that's what it is. What will tell us is an ultra sound. So... that's next.

The swelling in my lower leg may or may not be a different issue than what is going on with my bones trying to repair themselves. But the bottom line for now is... sigh... you guessed it... No running.

Damn!

At least it is not all in my head. And I am very thankful that it is not something "serious". My job now is to be patient, continue strength training, do other activities that do not aggravate it and ... did I mention be patient?

And we all know that I'm so good at being patient (smirk)!

Running Symposium - update

The running symposium was fabulous! The keynote speaker was John “The Penguin” Bingham and he was thoroughly enjoyable. I found myself giggling… then laughing… then throwing my head back, clutching my gut with one hand and wiping away tears of laughter with the other. My favorite bit from his two keynotes was, “Why would you run a marathon in two hours, or three hours… or even four hours, when they give you six? I mean, really??”

I was happy to learn about this “second generation” of runners (i.e. not the die hards of the 1970s) who now run, jog and walk and all enjoy it as a form of activity. I found myself identifying with much of what was said. (Despite both my inexperience and injury… I was identifying on a personal level, I guess.)

Bingham’s whole angle is that you can run or walk or whatever, as a lifestyle… doing it for the rest of your life. That resonated deeply with me and I appreciated hearing it from someone who wasn’t a “born athlete”, but rather someone who struggled with weight and didn’t take up activity until his mid-40s. Now, at 57, this guy looks like he is still in his mid-40s (IMHO). Very inspirational.

After the keynote, you had to sign up for specific sessions. I went to:

• Nutrition – Interesting… but I already knew a lot of it… And besides, it was focused on nutrition for competition, rather than nutrition for life, if you get my drift.
• Injury prevention – An awesome session that presented information from scientific studies done on running injuries; then offered some practical exercises and stretches to prevent them. My trainer had gone to a session given by this specialist a couple of weeks ago and already has me doing these exercises on a daily basis. It was enlightening to hear it first hand though.
  

My two “active sessions” were:

• Running technique – Given by a coach who has worked with national track athletes. Lots of good tips here.
  
  And I did debut my bionic leg… hidden under a pair of sweat pants though… Just wasn’t ready to look that hot on the track, I’m afraid ;-) … but it helped a great deal… I’m still not supposed to run yet, so I tried to take it easy… Still though… it was fun to get out there and move my legs!
  
• Stretch and strength – squats, lunges and other strengthening exercises for runners, along with several stretches. A good overall session, taught by an energetic facilitator. Very enjoyable.

All in all, I learned a lot and had a great time. My biggest “takeaway” had nothing to do with the actual sessions, I don’t think… It was that I noticed that a lot of people there knew each other… There’s a whole “running community” out there and… well… I’m not “plugged in”, so to speak. I have been doing my solitary laps around the track, with the occasional run outside.

On the one hand, I enjoy the solitude and time to reflect. On the other hand, seeing all these people laughing and joking together made me think that it could be fun to meet more people in this community and get to know some of them.

Having a trainer helps because I learn a lot and I don’t feel totally alone on this quest to incorporate fitness into my life. And I don’t feel judged.

I guess that’s one reason I haven’t made any attempts to investigate any type of running community… I have lacked the confidence and have been afraid of being laughed at. (I’m really not very good at this, you know! Even with the bionic leg!)

If I learned one thing at the Symposium it was that there are people with all sorts of different ability levels, goals and fitness levels out there who not only enjoy this as an activity, they enjoy each other’s company while they do it... young people, older people and really old people... athletic types and not-so-athletic types... all kinds of different folk, really.

Don’t get me wrong. I have absolutely wonderful, amazing friends whom I wouldn’t trade for anything and I don’t feel that I need any new ones. But most of my friends don’t run… in fact, none of them do. It would be kind of cool to get to know a few people who enjoy this activity, too… so it can be solitary sometimes… and communal at others… You know… that balance thing I’m always on about.

So… when I get my running legs back (and it will happen, I’m convinced!) I will endeavour to find a few people who are at my level, with similar goals and values and see about adding a social component to this activity…

Today my knee and leg are telling me that I should probably not have been so willing to participate in the active sessions, but oh well… Off I go to get my little bag of frozen peas…

Running Symposium

So, I'm off to the University of Calgary's Running Symposium tonight and tomorrow.

Tonight the keynote speaker is John "The Penguin" Bingham. I read one of his books last semester and thoroughly enjoyed it. Looking forward to tonight!

I have bowed out of the fun(d) run tonight, since I'm still barred from running and all.

Having said that, there are a couple of "active" sessions that I'm registered for tomorrow...

I'm thinking it'll be a good time to debut my new "bionic leg", as Rob calls it. (Thanks, Rob. That one made me laugh... not so sure about the looking "hot" part though!)

It's shaping up to be a very good weekend... though I suspect Sunday I'll have my nose buried in the books for sure!

Crazy busy...

After KT’s comment on my last post, I called the sports med doctor to see if there were any appointments before next Friday. Lo and behold, they had an opening on Monday! So hopefully, I’ll have the results of the bone scan then. (Thanks for the kick in the butt, KT!)

As for the rest of my life… (oh yeah, that!)… all is going well, though I seem to be teetering on the edge of constantly having far too much to do. This wasn’t quite so bad last semester… or maybe it was and I just don’t remember?

Anyway, this past week, I had a minor freak out when I realized that an assignment (a draft of a major paper) that I thought was due on March 20 was actually due on March 2. (Don’t you just love it when your brain spontaneously adds zeros to your memory, where it shouldn’t?!)

That sent me into a frenzy of a tailspin, but luckily, I pulled together 17 pages of more or less respectable (at least for a draft) material. Whew!

As for my “part-time” job, all I can say is… what the hell happened to the “part-time” part? Holy crap! I am putting in more hours and feeling like I live in a pressure cooker most of the time. With the usual director gone, I find that often, I am the only person who knows enough background on a situation to deal with it. We have an assistant… I just need to learn how to delegate more. (I’m open to feedback!)

The reality is that I have too much on my plate… and that isn’t going to change until the end of the semester, so I just have to suck it up and do my best to stay focused and healthy, so I get through in one piece.

And my friend Z. is getting ready to have her baby, which is hugely exciting! She’ll be having a natural birth at home, and I’m thrilled to be among those who will be there. Very cool! But it does mean arranging my life so that can happen. Since I wouldn’t trade that for the world, I am going to have to do some shifting around here…

Oh yeah… and this weekend, I get to go to a Running Symposium put on by the University of Calgary! There will be a whole whack of expert speakers and different sessions… both “active” sessions and lecture style. No... I won't be doing any running... Though, needless to say, I signed up for the session on injury prevention!

I’ll update about that after the weekend.

But for now… it’s off to bed… I have delusions about getting to the gym early tomorrow and so best I be off to meet with my pillow…

Bone scan

Went for the bone scan yesterday. It was a painless procedure, though it did take about half a day.

Went in at about 10:00 a.m. They asked the usual questions and then had me lie down on a bed while they gave me injection of radioactive dye. (Perfectly safe, they assured me…)

They then did a scan of the blood flow in my legs and then sent me on my way, saying the dye needed time to reach my bones, and to come back at 1:00 p.m. I was to drink lots of water to help the dye circulate. Other than that, I could eat, drink or do whatever.

(I was afraid the dye would make my pee glow green, but it did not. Whew!)

I wondered, as I was microwaving my lunch, if it was such a good idea to stand in front of the microwave with all that radioactive dye sludging through my veings... I got lost in that thought for so long that before you know it I heard the beep that my food was done. Oh well!

I went back after lunch and then we spent the next 40 minutes or so taking pictures. For those of you who have never had one, it is not as fast as an X-Ray. Each picture takes between two and five minutes. The technician said that’s how long it takes for the scanner to pick up the gamma rays.

I got pictures of my knees, my legs, and my feet, both lying down and standing. It was rather a cool process.

Afterwards I asked if I could look at the scans and… well… it was kinda neat. I did see some dark spots. Apparently the dye gravitates towards areas where the body is trying to heal itself… but to my completely and hopelessly untrained eye… both my tibia (or is that "tibias", in plural?) looked exactly the same.

I thought, “God, I hope I don’t go back to the doctor and he tells me it’s all in my head!”

It was my physiotherapist who noticed the swelling in my leg originally and told me to get it checked out, after all!

But anyway… what do I know? I’m no doctor, so I’ll wait for my appointment on March 10.

In the meantime… ice is my friend.

Oh yeah... and I'm still enjoying the six-day program of weight training! I think I might actually be getting stronger. Woo hoo!

Braced and ready for action!

Today I had an appointment at Colman Prosthetics and Orthotics. What a cool place! They do all kinds of prosthetics and orthotics and have a wall full of photos of elite athletes (both those with and without various limbs), including Calgary Flames and various Olympians. It was definitely a place that radiated positive energy and focussed on "ability", rather than lack of it.

I had my appointment and was fitted for the prescribed GII FX knee brace. I’ll start with one for the right leg and then, if necessary, get the left one later.

There are different parts to the brace and it was adjusted so that my knee cap is moved slightly towards the outside of my body.

OH -- MY -- GOD!

What a difference!

We’re talking IMMEDIATE pain relief! It was like there was nothing wrong with my knee at all. I thought, “God, I had forgotten what pain-free feels like.” I realized that I have simply become accustomed to (and yes… even in denial about….) the dull ache that is there all the time…

I walked down the hall. I ran up and down the stairs.

I immediately wanted to go outside and try it out on a run!

But alas, I am barred from running for the rest of the week, still… to give both my knees and my right shin a rest.

I asked when I should wear it and the fellow who worked more or less said to limit it to when I run, unless I really need it otherwise. I was half tempted to wear it around all day, just because it felt so damned good – despite its awkwardness.

I hope it’ll be temporary and that ultimately I’ll be able to do activity with my own two legs again, once they’re stronger.

But by George, I think we’ve found a good solution! At least for now.

Woo hoo!!!