Where did the week go?

What happened to this week? It just zoomed along and suddenly, it’s Friday!

So, here’s what I’ve been up to…

Doing the happy tax dance

Well… not yet… but almost! I have been a bad, bad girl… I have a small business and I’m horrible at doing my books… and filing my taxes. Over the last little while, I’ve bought many cups of coffee for my book keeper and finally this morningI took all the paperwork for my 2003, 2004 and 2005 taxes (both personal and business) to the accountant for filing. Here’s hoping I don’t owe any money or that interest will be piling up… but I am guessing that won’t happen. Anyway, it feels great to have that weight lifted off my shoulders!

Research and school work

I am working as a research assistant for a prof in Education. I have been busy getting surveys off to school principals, arranging and conducting in-person interviews with research subjects and doing a literature review on bilingual and immersion education.

As for my own research, I am working on my first paper for publication. It’s part of my class that ended in April, but everyone was told to continue to work on their papers to get them ready to submit to a scholarly journal. My class mate, Steamer, and I both “hit the wall” after classes ended and just couldn’t cram any more into our brains. This week there was some mutual ass-kicking happening and we both got back to reading and writing for school.

Work

Things at work have slowed down considerably… until today, when we got word that one of the major funders who provided the means for the extensive renovations of our centre will be on site at the end of the month to conduct an audit. This means getting everything ship shape pronto. Our Director is on sabbatical, the Acting Director is leaving for an overseas trip this weekend and the Assistant Director is on holidays until July… So, I was told today that for the last week in June the head of another department will take on the director’s duties… but until then, I have been appointed as acting director. It could be a quiet week… or it could be a super busy week as we get ready for this audit… I guess I will find out when I get in on Monday!

Training

Once again, I am working with my trainer again… with my number one goal being to get over these injuries and get strong to run again. Having said that, the injuries continue to nag a bit, though certainly not as bad as before. I can say that we are making progress… though it is slow. The plantar fasciitis is highly annoying… but as usual, I am being good and not doing things to aggravate it. I am thoroughly enjoying the yoga class I am taking and hope to sign up for more next month… The Pilates class is not so great, but I might give it another go (with a different teacher) at some point in the future…

So… that’s life in a nutshell… I’ll make a point to be more diligent about blogging next week… And I’ll definitely let you know when those taxes are officially done and mailed off!

Happy fitness anniversary

This week I celebrated one year of a changed lifestyle. It was about a year ago that I started going to the University's fitness centre. It was housed in a racquet centre at the time, due to renovations. That first day, it took me a good 10 minutes just to find the door in.

I thought it might be a sign from above that maybe I was not supposed to get fit after all. But somehow... I doubted it.

I celebrated my "one-year fitness anniversary" last week by trying something new: wall climbing. I took a 2.5 hour workshop on the basics of wall / rock climbing and learned how to set up ropes, tie in and belay. (That was a new word for me. No, fellow runners, it does not rhyme with "relay", but is instead said "buh-LAY"... means to help your partner up and down the wall by managing the ropes.)

I had a blast! And was hideously sore the next day!

A quick re-cap of the past year in review:

• 6 dress sizes lost
• 23 personal training sessions completed
• 52 weeks of consistent training
• 1 new-found love of running

• 2 injured knees (patellofemoral syndrome)
• 1 knee recovered
• 1 compartment "like" condition in right lower leg - mostly recovered
• 2 vertebrae discovered with bone spurs
• 1 case of plantar fasciitis

• countless fears overcome
• numerous new friends and running "blogger buddies"

Not a bad way to change a life, really... even with the injuries.

Broken stride, broken heart

So... I guess I blogged about getting back into the walking program too soon.

Went to the doctor today. That heel pain?... Yeah... it's plantar fasciitis.

Ice. Exercises. Shoes with orthotics all the time (even in the house!)

Definitely no running.

Cut out the walking routine.

I am thinking of curse words in various languages as I write this....

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride

OK, so I have a confession.

My chiropractor put me back on a walking program over a week ago. I haven't blogged about it because I didn't want to get all excited and then have it deflate on me like a big balloon... like before.

The trip to Toronto did put a bit of a monkey wrench in my routine, but I think I got in my fair share of walking across the York U. campus and through airports, so I'm not really concerned.

The good news: I can do it! I can go for at least 20 minutes without pain!

Naturally, I bumped it up to 35 minutes and my knee got puffy. I mean... it was only almost double the original 20 minutes, so I don't get why there would have been a problem. (Duh! Silly Sarah!)

I iced it when I got back to the fitness centre and then went and did my scheduled leg workout. No knee pain at the end of the workout.

Anyway, I'm back to 20 minutes 3 times a week. It's good. It's really, really good.

The deal is: no hills. Not for now. I can handle that. The area around the gym I go to has some fairly flat terrain, so I just go for a walk every other day before I do weights. It's not exactly a cardio workout, so I get on the bike on the off days, just to keep up the cardio.

I have started with some weird pain in the bottom of my right heel. The chiro says to have it checked by a podiatrist.

And my right calf is puffed up again, but I think we've figured what causes that... I overcompensate with my tib anterior for what my quad muscles should be doing. Once we get the quad muscles firing properly on a regular basis, this should subside. Dr. Mike, the chiro, has been helping with this... The lower leg is not nearly as swollen as it used to be.

And squats. I did my three sets of ten (each leg) one-legged assisted squats yesterday and I tell you... all modesty aside... they were damn near a thing of beauty -- at least compared to what they were like before. My knees are tracking much better than they ever have. My butt muscles are not seized up like they used to be, which of course, made the squats almost impossible. My legs are much, much stronger.

They're not perfect, but then again... my idea of "perfect" is rarely met, so I think we are safe to say they were fairly good.

I can't stop thinking about my (ex-)physiotherapists words, "If you can't squat, you can't run."

I can squat now, dammit!

I will take it slow, but I swear on heaven and earth... ain't nothin' gonna break my stride!

Inner Knowingness

My house mate, Leah, uses the term “Inner Knowingness” to talk about something that could be described as a cross between intuition and the kind of knowledge or awareness that Malcolm Gladwell talks about in his book, Blink.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this idea… Inner Knowingness. In the past few years, I have come to trust myself much more than I ever have before. Of course, I’m still human and have a good many flaws… accepting them without hating myself for them is part of the journey, I guess.

I have never thought of myself as being particularly diplomatic. Actually… I can be as stubborn as a mule and as un-gracious as a bull in a china shop. The fact that I know I can be this way – and truth be told, it is my natural tendency – has caused me to try to overcome it in my adulthood… to try and smooth the rough edges and soften my approach.

For a few years, that led to a good deal of dishonesty… I was more willing to be diplomatic than honest, in an effort not to be… abrasive, shall we say.

Then I began to see examples of people around me who could manage to be both… directly honest and yet gentle. It is an approach I decided to try. It meant a few things:

• Surrendering my need (or desire?) for people to like me.
• Surrendering my need (or desire?) to “be the good guy”.
• Having the courage to say what needed to be said.
• Being motivated by honesty and a desire to “do no harm”, rather than my own emotions. (It’s easy to be “honest” when what you really are is angry… Yet, to set the emotion aside and observe the situation gently and without judgment is a whole other deal.)
• Committing to being as honest with myself (and about myself) as I am with others.
• Deciding to accept, without judgment, others’ honest expressions that are also rooted in the idea of “do no harm”
• Above all else, trusting myself and my “Inner Knowingness”.

Am I this way all the time? Hell, no! Can a person be this way all the time? I think so... but I'm not there yet.

Having said that, you know when something is not right. You know when something needs to be said and is not being said. You know, deep down, when you’re motivated by your own emotions, rather than a desire to be helpful… and “dis-interested” (which is different than not caring).

Most of my friends and family know that can count on me when they ask for an opinion or advice. I tell them what I think, even if I don’t agree with them, or it’s not what they want to hear. Sometimes people get pissed off, but I think it’s more about not getting what they want than anything else.

I have also had to be brutally honest with myself in learning this process… My own commitment to fitness and health has been a good test of that. More than once I have had to say to myself, “Sarah, you need to keep your food and activities in balance… You’re not eating enough…” or on other days, “Sarah, you’re slipping and going back to old eating habits. Get back on track…”

The knee injury has forced (or “invited”?) me to get honest about pain. I hate admitting pain of any kind and yet… until I (fairly recently) started getting in tune with the pain I felt in my knee and leg, I got nowhere with my healing process. Now, things are coming along slowly… but it is sloooow.

I have questioned whether the reality that I hate that I feel pain isn't part of the problem? Maybe learning not to hate it is a key part of the process I just haven't gotten yet -- or only recently started to twig into?

It certainly is a process… learning to trust the Inner Knowingness… Learning to listen honestly and speak without interest or agenda. For me, the quest to get healthy and strong has been a vehicle for me to deepen my understanding in this area, which falls far outside the threshold of any track or gym… and yet… maybe not?

Home sweet home

I'm back, safe and sound from Toronto.

Between the murder at the hotel, the smoking room, the wildcat transit strike, the smog advisory and the fact that my presentation wasn't exactly packed with people have me looking back on the trip as being less than stellar in many ways. The highlight was definitely the time with my family.

My laptop has started making a strange buzzing noise... I packed it well and treated it gently, but may have to have it checked out soon... Hhhmmm... Can't imagine life without the laptop!

A strange blessing though... I checked my backpack as luggage, only to discover once I was back at my car that the little pocket in the front that contained my keys and a few other sundry items was completely open -- and everything, including my keys, was still in there! How they managed to stay in, as the bag was being thrown around by airport staff, is completely beyond me -- but I sure as heck am grateful for it!!

I bought a copy of The DaVinci Code at the airport today. I only have about 20 pages to go, so I'm going to finish the book and call it a day. Happy to be home...

Photo and promised anecdotes

Here's the promised photo of Bryce, Marsha, their two kids - Wes and Katelynn, and (slouching!) Auntie Sarah.

And the promised anecdotes...

Anecdote #1 - Now, why would she ask me that?

It's a good thing there's a photo here, because you can all see what I was wearing yesterday... Another conference delegate, some woman who was... a bit senior, shall we say -- and someone I'd never met before, stops me in the middle of campus and says, "You look like you'd know about this... Have you found the fitness centre yet?"

I just said, "Uh... no... sorry... Don't know where it is..."

I was puzzled... Why on earth would she ask me, of all people?

This caused me to ask myself... What made her think I'd actually know?

I'm throwing this one out there because the only thing I can come up with is "thunder thighs"... sigh...

And in case you're wondering, no I was not wearing running shoes... Shoes would have been a dead giveaway right? But no... Just some clog-like mules... big clunky things that fit my orthotics... but nothing you'd wear to work out, that's for sure.

Anecdote #2 - York U. beefcake made me wanna wretch

That woman, along with Janice's comment from a previous post, made me think that it might be worthwhile to actually find the fitness centre and see if I could get a real workout in.

Much as Zouzoux's comment about nicknaming me Trinity, from the Matrix movie was flattering, I have to say, it just made me laugh. There were no bullets to dodge for the rest of the weekend and I could only ever hope to have a body like that. As they say, it doesn't hurt to dream, but reality is quite a bit different, I'm afraid!

Having said that, the tubing is great, but I have to admit... I got a little bored after 60 reps of each exercise... and still didn't feel particularly challenged. The thought of an actual workout rather piqued my interest. I thought I'd go check it out and see if I could arrange for a day pass. So, I went on a mission to find the York U. gym.

I asked at the conference info desk, located in a nice, central building and got some very convoluted instructions which was drawn out on a campus map for me and a not-so-encouraging, "It should only take you about 15 minutes to walk there."

"15 minutes? To walk to the fitness centre? Sheesh, they don't make it easy for people, do they?" I thought to myself, as I headed off with the map in hand. It only took about 8 minutes, but still... it still seemed off the beaten track a bit.

When I got there, the doors to the building had signs on them: "Please use south doors."

I looked up in the sky. It was around 1:00 p.m. Sun almost directly overhead. No other indication of which way was south. My outdoor survival skills would probably let me do just that... "survive"... which is quite different than "thrive". I had no idea which way was south. Needless to say, I had to circle almost the entire perimeter of the building before I found the one open door.

I went in and found a front desk with some security turnstyles there... along with rather fit-looking dark haired young guy working the desk, probably a student. "I'm attending a conference here and wanted to find out if I could work out." I said.

"Gimme your ID," he said, smacking his chewing gum. Now, I have nothing against gum per se. I've been known to chew it myself. But this was... well... a bit obvious... and loud.

"My ID?" I said.

"Yeah... Ya know... that name tag around yer neck." I looked down and then took off the name tag on the landyard that identified me as a conference participant and gave it to him.

He said, "Locker rooms to the left."

I said, "Oh, I don't have my stuff with me right now, I just wanted some information... How much does it cost?"

He rolled his eyes, smacked his gum again and said, "It's free."

"Oh... cool!" I said... "How about lockers? Can I rent a day locker?"

He sighed and nonchalantly replied, "Also free. Whatcha wanna do?"

"Ummm... cardio and weights." I said.

At that point, things changed. He quite obviously looked me up and down, and then... get this... flexed his chest muscles, leaned forward and in between what can only be described as “muscle head grunts” said, “Yeah… we got cardio machines… and weights. We got … everything,” he said in such a way that just made me gag.

More gum smacking.

Ugh.

I was annoyed. I thought, "Ya know... You might be a beefcake, but with an attitude like that, you are an absolute turn off. You're working in a customer service job, so do your freaking job!"

It’s a personal pet peeve – when someone thinks they are God’s gift to the earth for being some particular way, whether it’s beefy, brainy, beautiful, benevolent or whatever. I mean, we all crap brown, right? Like I said… personal pet peeve. This guy was no exception…

Besides, I've spent my fair share of years working in customer service as a student, so it's not like I'm judging without ever having done a similar type of thing at one point.

Instead of giving him a good smack (which he would have deserved) I just smiled sweetly and said, “Thanks. I’ll be back some other time.”

I did go back for a workout today. That’s worthy of its own post though… Later. For now, I’m going to pack, since I’m heading home tomorrow.

By the way, my presentation is done. I did OK, but not having it listed in the program was a bit of a bummer. Oh well… at least I did it.

More adventures in Toronto...

OK, so I have now heard from numerous sources that North York is not exactly the best neighborhood of Toronto.

When I talked to my sister, Tracy, who lives in Kitchener (about an hour's drive away), she said, "You're staying in North York? Oh my God! Come and stay with us for one night... PLEASE!"

And so, I did... spending a delightful Saturday night with Tracy and husband, Bill. They did a fantastic BBQ and invited their neighbour, Scott, over. The four of us had a fabulous time and I thorougly appreciated that they drove an hour to pick me up and take me to their beautiful home. (It's one of those that looks like it could be photographed by an interior design magazine without any notice at all...)

They have acquired a few more animals since I was there last time, bringing the total up to 4 cats and 1 golden retriever... all of whom seem to love me, and the feeling is quite mutual. I woke up at one point, to find that Kramer, one of the big (huge, actually) cats, had decided to sleep with me... or rather spoon. I must say... I've never had a cat do that before... He nuzzled and nuzzled until he was comfy.

What's a girl to do? Naturally, I just scratched him on the head until he went to sleep...

This morning, Tracy and I met up with our kid brother, Bryce, and his family: wife, Marsha, along with their two kids -- Wes (age 4 - almost) and Katelynn (age 2 - almost). Man, those kids have grown! I've got pictures, but I'm on a public computer at the University library at the moment, so I'll have to post them later.

I love seeing Kid, as I call him... though this time he got a hard time from me for all the grey hair he's sprouted -- especially in his beard. Not even 30 yet and already lots of grey! Poor Kid...

The conference is going well... sort of... I figured out that my name and paper title were left out of the conference program. This kind of sucks because no one will know that I am even presenting... except for the few people I've run into who've asked me and promised to be there.

I've confirmed that yes, I am still supposed to present. It was a layout error on the part of the typesetter (or designer...) I've been told when and where and of course, I'll show up and do it. (That's the only way you get to legitimately put it on your resume.)

But still... I doubt there will be very many people there.

Oh well...

The sessions I have attended have been interesting so that's one plus.

And I have a story about getting my fitness fix while I'm here, but this post is getting a bit long, so I'm going to make you wait for it...

I know, I know... You hate it when I do that... But I promise the aforementioned photos with the next post, too...

Until soon...

Adventures in Toronto

So, I am here in Toronto for a conference (a mere 3.5 hour plane ride east from Calgary, for those of you who aren't from around these parts).

It's a huge conference -- the biggest academic conference in Canada for the social sciences and humanities. My guess is that there are about 8000 people here.

On Monday I will give a presentation on the topic I am passionate about - marketing of language programs. Originally, I thought I was supposed to present tomorrow, but I see the schedule has been changed....

But as for today, it has been it's very own special adventure...

I am staying at a Comfort Inn, which, despite the name, isn't exactly high end. They're basic, generally clean hotels. This one is close to campus and I figured I could walk to the conference.

When I got here, I asked if my friend, Mary, had already checked in. She had, so I called her.

She immediately said, "My parents are here from the States. We're going for dinner and you're coming with us."

Kind of taken aback I said, "Oh! I didn't know your parents were here. Sorry... Didn't want to intrude. I can catch up with you later."

She said, "Oh no. This isn't a great neighborhood. It's not safe. You're coming with us."

The neighborhood is a bit industrial, but I didn't quite understand her insistent tone.

Over dinner I found out that earlier today the entrace to the hotel had been sealed off and there were police in bullet proof vests swarming the place. There had been a shooting... Well, a minor drug-related murder, actually.

Lovely.

Oh yeah, and I had booked a non-smoking room. There are none. They're all smoking. I'm on the ground floor... but there's no way in hell I'm opening the big glass doors that open out on to the parking lot. I'm tough... but not stupid.

Did I mention that this is a huge conference and there are no hotel rooms under $300 to be found anywhere in this town?

The priceless irony of all this is that a few days ago, when my trainer was showing me a tubing workout I could do in my hotel room he said, "So, you just loop the tubing around a pole..."

And I replied, "A pole? I don't know what kind of hotels YOU stay in, but the ones I stay in don't have .... like... big dancing poles ... or any other kind of poles ... in the middle of the room!"

Apparently, instead, they just have murders.

And everything in this room is pretty much nailed down, so I'm going to have to get creative if I want to do that tubing workout... Or maybe I could just go dodge some bullets. Yeah, that sounds like a good workout...

Well, I'd better go search the net and find out where I'm supposed to present my paper on Monday...

Wish me luck... and survival.

Lucky 3 and marathon decision

Yup. Did it... 3 days in a row of pain-free workouts.

My knee was a bit swollen, but nothing serious, so we are going to say it's three days in a row.

For the first time in... a long, long time.

Man, I feel good!

(Insert James Brown music here.)

Did 22 minutes on the stationary bike (most I've gotten myself up to since being allowed back on it this time), followed by physio exercises, some core work, some hamstring work and modified one-leg press I do to strengthen my inner quad (VM).

Chased it all with a yoga class.

Oh yeah.

And I made a decision about the Calgary HSBC marathon. I had been flirting with the idea at one point of running the half.

But clearly, without running for months, it really wouldn't be a smart thing to show up there.

Or... would it?

I have decided that I am going... as a volunteer. I signed up on the website today.

Maybe I won't be running it, but I can be there... and support others who are.

(Insert James Brown music again.)

Four days? Do we hear four days, anyone? Going now to the highest bidder...

Can we make it three?

I keep a training log of what I do, followed by some general comments. For two days in a row now, I've had "pain free" workouts. Leg feels great. Knee feels really good. Lower back pain is non-existent.

I write, "I feel like ME again!"

And in case you're wondering... no little red pills, no red wine and no tequila (which is always my preferred pain killer, though not many people understand why...)

Keep your fingers crossed for me... Maybe we can make it three days in a row??

Squatter's rights and chiropractic update

As promised, a quick update on chiro, physio, etc.

The bottom line for the first few chiro appointments is that they were not fun. At one point, I could hardly walk.

I generally refuse - vehemently refuse - to take any kind of pain medication most of the time. But, when my brother looked at me and said, "You're hurtin', arencha?"

And I quickly shook my head and said, "Nah, I'm fine."

He replied with, "Liar! Here, take this. It's Ibuprophen." And handed me a bottle with little red pills in it.

He was right. I was hurting. I hated to say it, but he knew it.

It quickly turned into a three-day love affair with the little red pills. There may have been some red wine involved, too... Yes, I do believe there was...

There was other unexpected stuff, too... Let's just say the words "Mother nature", "surprise" and "excruciating pain" and leave it at that.

Three days later, I was back at Dr. Mike's and respectfully gave him hell.

He said, "This isn't unheard of... though it is uncommon." He said that most people don't feel anything to start... or maybe a bit of achiness... But generally, not a drastic reaction. He added that most women won't be honest enough to tell him about any "Mother Nature matters".

"Well, I'll tell you honestly, I almost didn't come back today. What did you do to me???" Not waiting for a response, I added, "Whatever it is, please back off!"

He said that the adjustments he had given me were actually quite gentle and promised to ease off. And he kept his word.

I have learned through this fitness and health journey that my natural tendency seems to be to push too hard, too fast, too soon. Whether it's a work out or medical treatment, things seem to work much better for me when the approach is simple, gentle and gradual, rather than shocking to my system.

I can be tough, but my body doesn't seem to need me to be quite so tough most of the time. If I treat it well... gently pushing and nudging it forward, it treats me well in return, slowly and steadily progressing. If I push it too hard, it hisses and spits, refusing to go anywhere.

If nothing else, this is a good life lesson for me.

The next few chiro appointments went much better. There have been moments with no leg pain, no knee pain and no back pain at all... I have remembered what it is like to feel like "me" again.

But so far, these are just moments... not days... Not yet, anyway.

I did go to Tim for a physio appointment last week and he has put me back on to squats again.

I never -- never EVER -- thought I'd be happy to be doing squats again.

But I am!

And they feel better than before... Not perfect, but definitely stronger.

I can't believe I am about to say this... I almost like doing them. (Gag!)

Do you see that, people? I do believe that is a teeny, tiny little light at the end of the tunnel! Stay tuned.... or you may just miss the upcoming post called "A return to running"!

Putting the pieces "back" together again

OK, so apparently, you all like guessing games!

Well, one of you is right… (Well done, TG!) And the rest of you are good guessers... or just plain funny!

After my last appointment with Tim, I did a bit of a re-evaluation. I really did feel that he had given up on me and ultimately thought, “I don’t pay professionals to give up on me and not believe me when I say that I am actually following their instructions (like doing my daily exercises and stretches). I won’t abandon physio completely, but I’m open to trying something else…"

Somehow, I just felt that the trust had been broken on some level…

It is hard to explain, because he’s extremely professional and knows his stuff… But when he didn’t seem to believe me when I said, “I AM doing everything you say!” I was totally exasperated.

“What the hell motivation would I have to lie?” I thought. “That wouldn’t help anyone – least of all, me!”

So… exasperation and frustration (and the fact that my insurance coverage is about to run out for reaching the maximum number of physio sessions) all cumulatively led me to consider another option.

While you all may think I was living it up outside the blog-o-sphere (which, well… I was!), I was also quietly scuttling off to the offices of chiropractor, Dr. Michael Kricken (affectionately known to his patients as “Dr. Mike”).

I went to him on the recommendation of A., who has seen him for a year. Her partner, Mom and various friends also go to see him and all have reported good to excellent results.

As I said to A., “I am not convinced about this chiropractic stuff, but I’m running out of options here.” And off I went to see yet another specialist.

Turns out, Dr. Mike is also a runner. Marathoner, actually.

“Bonus!” I thought. “Someone who gets the running thing!”

The office staff took a detailed history which Dr. Mike then reviewed with me. He did a postural analysis and then a physical examination. He recommended X-rays and made absolutely no promises, saying that he wanted to see the X-rays first.

X-rays came back and we reviewed them.

Apparently, getting hit by a car as a pedestrian isn’t so good for a human body (happened when I was 21). Subsequent motor vehicle accidents don’t help much either. They catch up with you.

When you decide to take on activities that involve a lot of pounding (especially when you carry more than a few extra pounds, as I did when I started) and you factor in loose joints and hyper flexibility, the impact on the body is a bit much and suddenly, voila! You have yourself an injury… or a few... and a back that has been quietly waiting for years to give you pain.

I was shown the X-rays of my own spine… and pelvis. Even without medical training, I could see my hips sitting at an angle, one significantly higher than the other. He lined up the edge of X-ray envelope over the picture to show me the line of the top of my hip bones… definitely tilted.

Then, he showed me that my lower back with no curvature.

None.

Zero.

Zip.

Nada.

That’s not good. Lower backs are supposed to be curved.

So are necks. And mine is… a wee bit... but not much.

"You have great posture," he said. (Posture nazi trainer would be pleased, I'm sure.) He continued, "And that's because you're as straight as a soldier. It's too straight... Not much of a natural curve at all."

Add to that few bone spurs on the lower vertebrae (L4 and L5, to be precise) and the material in between them being squished together (“compressed”, I think it is called) and we start to see a picture forming.

“It’s another piece of the puzzle for you,” he said, explaining how backs are connected to all parts of the bodies and how the area of my back that is not functioning properly is directly connected to the knees. It seems that according to this philosophy, as long as my back is unhealthy, my knee won’t get better.

Another piece of the puzzle, indeed!

It’s one that explains why the injury might be hanging on… It helps to show why, when all my other tests came back normal that things still hurt. I thought back to my training sessions with Chris and he would often say, “Your right shoulder is creeping up. Keep it down!”

And I would growl back, "I don’t feel it! It’s not creeping up!”

"Yes, it is! Keep it down!" He'd retort.

Chiropractor agrees with trainer. Sarah is out-voted by two professionals.

The fact that I didn't "feel" it just means that I've gotten used to living with the misalignment.

So… pieces are falling into place. I don’t really like all the answers (bone spurs cannot be reversed, though their development can be halted), but some answers – especially logical ones – are much better than no answers. When I can start to put together what various professionals have been saying, the answers gain validity.

After the initial assessment, I asked the key question, “Do you think I’ll be able to run again?”

Basically, he said that with the orthotics to correct the feet and the chiropractic care for the back, the answer was, “Most likely, yes.”

He was straight with me and said, “I’ll be honest. Your back is in rough shape. And it's been that way for a good long time. We need to work on it for a while first before you go out there and try and run again. Let’s give it a month and see how it goes. Then maybe we’ll start with a walking program… then run / walk… then running. For you, getting back to running would be an excellent goal.”

So, from there, we talked about a treatment plan that would include adjustments and later, exercises on my own. He said, “I can’t give you exercises now or you’d be in so much pain, you’d go through the roof. Wait. We’ll get there.”

Wait? I’m good at waiting. We know this. I don’t like it, but I can do it.

Bottom line, I was impressed by his thoroughness. I liked how he explained things in simple, but straightforward terms. I appreciated that he was direct with me and didn’t try to sell me empty promises.

This post is getting a bit long, so I’ll blog about the first few treatments next time. For now, I can say that I feel focused and truly hopeful for the first time in a while… Not to mention relieved… in so ... many ... ways.

Back from holiday time with the family

Well, I said good-bye to my cousins yesterday. They are now in Toronto with my sister and brother-in-law and will also get a chance to see my younger brother and his family on the weekend, too.

I’m back at work and feeling generally refreshed and focused, I must say.

There was a bit of a shock yesterday afternoon when we heard that Captain Nichola Goddard was killed in Afghanistan. She is the first Canadian forces woman to be killed in a combat role. And she’s the daughter of my Ph.D. supervisor, Tim Goddard.

As I was walking over to the student centre to get a coffee this morning, they were lowering the flag to half mast. A sad time for the family, indeed…

On a happier note, I have news about my knee and leg.

After my last appointment with my "other" Tim (the physiotherapist) -- only some of which I blogged about -- I felt a bit like I was running out of options. So, I tried something (and some ONE) new, on the recommendation of about 6 different people.

After an initial reaction that was not so pleasant (i.e. almost excruciating) which, I understand, is not a particularly common way to react (though not unheard of), I have seen results that can only be described as dramatic.

Lower leg pain – gone!

Lower leg swelling - greatly reduced!

Knee pain – greatly reduced!

Knee swelling – greatly reduced!

And it has only been just over a week!

I will post about it in more detail next time, but for now… any guesses as to what I’ve been up to or who I’ve been seeing??

Family visiting from England

So, I've been out of the blog-o-sphere lately, mostly due to an extra-busy schedule. My cousin, Elaine, and her son, Adrian, are visiting from England at the moment and we've been on the go day and night since they got here last Wednesday.

On Friday, we drove an hour and a half up to Red Deer to get my brother, Aaron. From there, we drove another hour and a half north to the provincial capital, Edmonton, where we spent the day seeing sights and shopping. Here's a picture of Aaron and me sitting on the steps of the legislature, where we had a tour. (Hint: You wanted to see me with dark hair? Here it is... I still don't like it, but am getting used to it...)

Today, we drove four hours to the Columbia Ice fields, where we saw the glaciers and spent some time playing in the snow. Here's Elaine and Adrian on the ice fields...

Tomorrow we will spend the day in Banff and Lake Louise, before Aaron has to head back to Red Deer to get ready for work on Monday.

Then, I have Monday and Tuesday with my cousins, before they head off to southern Ontario (Toronto area) to spend time with our sister and younger brother there.

Although Adrian was here last year, his Mum (my namesake) hasn't been here since I was about a year old, so needless to say, she has a lot of catching up to do! It has been a wonderful visit so far and we seem to be going from early morning until late at night, but that is OK... It seems to be going well!

Now that I've given a quick update, I'm off to bed... Tomorrow is another busy day.

I haven't had much time lately to catch up on blogs. I'll be back in the swing of things next week and I'll look forward to catching up on blogs then... Promise!

Defiant and stubborn... or... determined and focussed?

It is almost six months to the day since I wrote in my training log that my knee hurt when I ran. I can’t believe it. Six months.

I have asked myself many times how this could happen. I have no answers. No one does.

I go from being hopeful to frustrated to downright angry… But usually I settle into obedient patience, diligently doing my physio exercises and following instructions on how to get it better. In general, I’ve stayed off it, no matter how much it tears me up inside.

Tonight I went out with Z. and Samuel for dinner. It was Z’s first outing to a restaurant since having her boy. They both looked great and the chance to visit was delightful. Our dinner took an extraordinarily long time to arrive. The manager came over and apologized, saying that the house would be pleased to buy us dessert. Sounded great to us!

During dinner Z. probed me about running… and other activities… What was it about running? I mean, it didn’t start out that way, right? I just wanted to get in shape… not run… So what’s the big deal about finding another activity? (I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist.)

I couldn’t explain it… She was right… This started off as a quest to live differently and as part of that process, get in shape and be healthy. Falling in love with running (again) was unexpected. But it happened.

Then, I got injured. And, corny as it may sound, I felt like I was ripped away from a new love I had barely gotten a chance to know. Geez, that does sound corny.

I have asked myself if I am just being stubborn. I’ve been known to be that way, you know. I have wondered if I would still be this passionate about it, if it wasn’t “forbidden”. The deep down truth is, I don’t know. How could I know, except to get on the other side of this injury and see how I feel about it?

Yesterday I had another physio appointment… my 17th physio appointment, to be precise. Tim said, “I don’t think you’re gonna run again, Sarah. It’s time to think about other activities… biking, swimming… but not running. I mean… we can try one more time, but… I don’t think so…”

“Hmph!” I snorted, trying to be respectful... Involuntary tears welling up from inside me as I blinked them back.

I hate crying – especially in public. I probably wouldn’t have, if the rest of the week had been normal. But it wasn’t.

Yesterday would have been a great day to hear, “Your diligence shows. You’re stronger. Not having to use the knee brace is progress. We are going in the right direction.” The truth was, I really wanted some good news yesterday. I wanted a reason to hope. Instead, I was basically told to give up hope.

Tim was firm with me: “We’ll try one more time… Do your stability exercises for two more weeks. Then we go back to squats. If you can’t squat, you can’t run. You need to be able to load your knee with weight.”

I nodded in acknowledgement, choking back sobs.

Have I mentioned that I hate crying?

Today I decided that I’ve had enough. Although it would have been nice to have my efforts recognized, ultimately, I don’t need to hear it from anyone else. I know it. I'm dedicated... and disciplined... and patient... I’m lighter and stronger than I’ve ever been. I’m in way better shape than I was in November and I’ve done everything I’ve been told. And I have training logs to prove it.

I’ve had it. I’ve had enough of the injury. I’ve had enough of being obedient and following directions. I’ve had enough of being excruciatingly patient. I’ve had enough of feeling held back!

Walking and running are the most natural things in the world, aren’t they? I had no problems before November, and there’s no good reason for this injury to hang on like this.

After dinner with Z. and Samuel tonight, I felt gross. My salad was loaded with dressing and high fat “extras” that I just don't enjoy any more. To make matters worse, I had no intention of eating dessert, but ordered it anyway, since it was on the house and all…

“What am I doing?” I asked myself. “I don’t eat like this any more!” So I put my fork down and pushed my plate away.

By the time I left, I felt horrible… Thoughts of purging entered my head, but I shooed them away thinking, “No, Sarah, you don’t live like that any more…”

I wanted to move. So I did. Screw it, I thought. Legs were made for walking.

So I came home, ditched my bag and enjoyed the bit of daylight that was left, walking a loop in my community that I discovered when I first moved here two years ago. It was about 35 minutes of walking – just a normal pace. I mean, I’d already worked out today, spending longer on the bike than I have in months.

I was just fed up… and wanted to get outside and be mobile. So I that's exactly what I did.

And it felt good. As I write this, I have ice on my knee. Yes, it puffed up. But it doesn’t feel horrible. I’m tired of being “good”. I’m tired of doing exercises that make me stronger… but not strong enough to run. I’m tired of shedding pounds… but not enough for my joints to take the load. It’s been six months… the days are getting longer and the weather is getting nicer… I’m tired of waiting.

Maybe my physiotherapist has given up on me. But I haven’t.

My leg. My knee. My body. My love of running.

I’m not ready to give up yet.

Words of wisdom, hope and encouragement gratefully accepted.

Healthy kitty and a warm, fuzzy anecdote about G.

Tidbit #1 - Nimbus, the white cat

She’s fine. I noticed the night she wasn’t feeling well that she refused to come into my room, going instead to my housemate’s room… Very unusual… That was the same night I used a topical muscle pain reliever on my knee and leg. ! It’s kind of like A5-35, except that it is “all natural” and it’s called “024”. I sprayed this stuff all over my knee and leg right before I went to bed and I must say, it worked great. It smelled a bit of menthol and eucalyptus, but nothing that I thought was horrid.

Apparently, the cat disagreed. I later found out that eucalyptus isn’t so good for cats. My hunch was that the fumes got to her, so the next day I washed the pj’s I was wearing, and all the bed linens. The cat has been fine ever since. Who knew?

Tidbit #2 - Closure with G.

If you’ve been following the blog since last fall, you will remember the student from my Spanish class who was struggling in Spanish, much the same way I was struggling at the gym. It broke my heart when he didn’t show up for the final exam, and I heard from other students that he’d dropped the class at the last minute.

I hoped that one day we could give things a proper closure. I figured that if it ever happened, it would probably be as a result of running into one another quite unexpectedly, taking both of us off guard, as these things often do, offering a brief window of opportunity to say what needs to be said. Today, it happened. I was coming out of the locker room at the gym and there he was.

It was an unusual place to run into him, since you tend to see the same faces around, even if you don’t know who everyone is. I’d never seen him there and as it turned out, he was just there on an errand.

“Hola!” I said, as is customary for me when I meet students outside class.

He looked at me, shocked and blurted out, “Oh my God! You look great!”

I have to say, usually I am slightly disappointed when my students can’t even muster up a reciprocal greeting in Spanish in response to “Hola!”, but, I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised (and flattered) with that particular greeting today.

G. and I both started fall semester with long, curly hair (his curlier than mine). During the course, he shaved his head and donated his hair and I told him that I was on a similar mission, just not to the point of baldness.

So, hair donations became a natural starting point for conversation. After a few minutes we got down to the business we both knew had to be done…

“I know I was a disappointment,” he said. “But I had a really good time in your class. You’re a great teacher.”

“Well, thanks. But I’m not disappointed. You had a decision to make and you did what you had to do. I totally respect that. No disappointment at all. Besides, languages will always be there if you ever decide to go back to them.”

“Thanks,” he said. “That means a lot.”

After that, we chatted for a few more minutes, during which time I asked how his courses had gone and he said he’d done well in his first year and was pleased with his marks. He had just come from the bookstore with some summer reading… pretty deep stuff on humanism and philosophy, especially for an 18-year old. I was impressed and I told him so, wrapping up the conversation on a positive note. We parted ways on good terms, exchanging smiles and good wishes.

It struck me strange that our paths never crossed once during the winter semester, but rather, once classes had ended for the year, thus giving him the chance to honestly tell me that things had worked out well for him during the academic year.

It also occurred to me that it was ironic that our chance meeting took place in the phys ed. building… the very place I’d faced many of my own struggles in the fall semester. Seems we both overcame our respective obstacles… just in different ways.

Funny how these things work out, sometimes…

He’s a good kid… and didn’t deserve to carry around the feeling that he’d disappointed me… or himself. I was thankful to have the chance to get closure on the situation.

This has been one of the most stressful, draining and emotionally demanding weeks that I’ve had in a long time… Some of it I have blogged about and other bits, I’m not quite ready to blog about yet... but suffice to say, it has taken it’s toll… Today’s encounter put an unexpectedly positive twist on things and was a nice way to end the week.

Tomorrow is a new day

The Calgary Flames lost. I watched the game. It was lousy.

My 11-year old white cat, Nimbus, who has a voracious and unstoppable appetite is -- for the first time in her life -- refusing to eat. She walks around howling, then sleeping, only punctuated by the occasional vomit.

My Dad hit a deer. He's OK, as is the car. The young deer got up and ran into the woods, so apparently, he's OK, too.

Oh yeah... and my cousin, Gary (brother to Brian, who died in 1995 from AIDS-related causes, and son to Donna, my aunt who remains in the hospital with a broken femur that refuses to heal -- both of whom I have blogged about in posts past) committed suicide this week by sticking a shotgun in his mouth and firing.

I just found out... (as the Flames were losing to the Ducks). The funeral is on Saturday. In Ontario. Neither my brother, nor I can get there for it.

I sure am glad tomorrow is another day... One that may well require a trip to the vet for kitty...

For now, it's definitely time to wrap up this day.

For Angie - Hip ab- and adductor exercises

Since Angie asked what I am doing for my hip ab- and adductors (and I couldn't find an e-mail addy on her page!!) I thought I'd do a quick post.

Let me preface it by saying that these were not my idea. Chris, my trainer, went to a session given by Dr. Reed Ferber of the Running Injury Clinic. Following that, two things happened. One, I got new (as in, more) exercises, including these cable extensions. Two, I went to Reed Ferber's session on injury prevention at the Running Symposium I attended in March and saw him speak for myself.

I was impressed with his knowledge, focus on research and what seemed like a good, solid, common sense approach. (And didn't Rob say common sense was sexy? Right on!)

Anyway, at my gym we have this thing called the Total Leg Machine. I'm sure it can subject its users to any variety of tortures, but my particular tortures are hip adductor extensions (4 sets of 10, per leg) -- as seen on this swanky website -- and hip abductor extensions (4 sets of 10, per leg) -- going in the opposite direction. Hence, the 80 reps a day, per leg.

The idea is to do them daily until you have worked up to 4 sets of 10 (which I have). From there, you start doing them without holding on to anything for support. So far, I can only do the last two of my four sets "hands free"... It's way harder than you'd think! Hint: You have to be careful to control the motion and not let momentum take over.

The result has been an incredible increase in stability, at times, very sore hips and glutes and the development of "thunder thighs"... surprisingly strong thunder thighs, I might add! (No, that is not an invitation for saucy comments, so don't even think about it!!) I just want to run again!

So there you go, Angie. Hope it helps!

If you experiment long enough, eventually something blows up.

I had my hair cut on the weekend. I have decided that I like it short… especially considering my activity level these days. Nice and easy…

I worry about it looking butch, but everyone tells me that this is not something I need to fret about, so I tend to put it out of my mind.

This time, the Deva took one look at my hair and said, “It’s dry… and green! What did you do to it?!”

“Ummm…. I took swimming lessons?” I said, looking at him pleadingly.

He snorted, “I can see that! Well, we’ll just have to fix this up, now, won’t we?” He said with his usual flair, pulling out his scissors.

I didn't see the green myself, but I am no expert in such matters...

As he was cutting away he said, “With hair this short you need a kick ass colour.”

“Well, go mix one up then,” I said, adding, “You know I trust you.”

And I do trust him. We’ve been together seven years… including the two years he took off to go work on a cruise ship and we stayed in touch via e-mail. He sent long stories about life on the ship and I replied with messages such as, “Glad you’re enjoying the high seas, now get that beautiful black ass of yours back to Calgary so you can do my hair, dammit!”

And back he came… opened up his own salon, and has moved up to doing the hair and make-up for various local TV personalities. All the while, he has never forgotten his loyal clients from his early days. He's truly "good people", that Deva.

So basically, I let him do whatever… and usually I am pleased.

This time though… it’ll take some getting used to…

The result? Short, spikey… and a dark, reddish brown, with a few chunky blonde highlights. Dramatic… Which is not really my style… But, what’s a non-drama queen to do? Slap on some eyeliner and deal with it, I guess. Or at least, that’s what I did this morning.

I might get used to it yet… If not, it’ll grow out and I’ll change it next time. In the meantime, I'm gonna try to feel "kick ass"... So far though, no dice.

April training in review - a good month

A few months back my trainer got me started logging my daily workouts. I eventually added in a monthly goals section and a month-end review to see if I had achieved the goals I'd set out.

I think he felt that he'd unleashed a bit of a monster... I logged... and logged... and logged... Then I'd ask him to review it all. The poor guy took an extra hour of his own time to read through all my comments for our last session earlier this month. I told him he was a freak for having done so, but that I appreciated it all the same.

Today, I reviewed my log myself, looking back at the month of April, what goals I’d set out… what I’d done or not done. I must admit… I was relatively happy, which is unusual for me, since I am more likely to feel that I have accomplished nothing, not gone far enough, not done well enough, etc. But this month… it’s pretty much all good…

I got the custom-made orthotics and subsequently ditched my hot little bionic leg (that’s a knee brace to everyone except Rob… to him it’ll always be a hot bionic leg, bless his heart). To make things even better, I officially got the green light from Tim, my physiotherapist, to go back to the bike. (Yaaay! Land cardio!)

Despite taking up "land cardio" again, I even made an attempt to go and practice swimming one day, with another woman from my swimming class. We spent more time laughing than we did swimming, but at least we got out there and tried.

I have been practicing on that blasted bosu almost every day and I daresay that my balance with the new orthotics is coming back. It's not there 100%, but it's much better than a few weeks ago.

And I’ve been doing 80 (yes, count ’em… as in 40 per leg) ab- and adductor extensions per day, six days a week. Despite the fact that they are getting hideously boring, I am getting more stable and can do the last set of each exercise “hands-free” now.

Still keeping up with the daily physio exercises (minus the squats, which we figured out contributed to the leg swelling.) Otherwise, I am nauseatingly disciplined... but it is worth it.

Why? Because my leg and knee are less swollen than they were and the pain has subsided considerably... I only feel it occasionally now. I am also better able to manage the inflammation now, too. Same goes for the back pain that was definitely a problem in March. Between modifying my activities and being very pro-active about being kind to my back, I have been able to take my physio appointments from once a week to once every two weeks.

A very personal breakthrough was that I was able to start using the mirrors in the gym this month. I have avoided using them for reasons I won’t go into here (hint: poor body image). In case you are wondering, I have learned all my exercises without the aid of a mirror… perhaps not doing them 100% correctly, but well enough to avoid a trip to the hospital. One day it occurred to me that if I was really going to integrate fitness with my values, I had to be able to “face myself”, in every sense of the word. And so, I have.

On the downside, I must say that I feel a bit isolated working on my own these days, but that is OK. My goal remains the same as it has for the past couple of months... to get the injury healed and be in good enough shape to run. When I am there, I will get "plugged in" to Calgary's running community. I am considering volunteering at a race or two this season, even if I can't participate. I figure that might be a good way to get connected...

But overall this month, there have been huge strides forward… healing and getting stronger.

In May, I have signed up for both Hatha yoga and Pilates, just to add a new challenge… I am looking forward to next month!

Out with the old; in with the new - Spring fever hits my iPod

I remember back when I first started blogging I posted about Coldplay, having been introduced to them by AB (a.k.a. “Young Cousin”, the quick-witted 20-something who visited last year from England). I heard them and instantly took to their music.

The post resulted in a comment from CM, a dear friend of 15+ years to the effect of, “Coldplay?! Women our age don’t listen to Coldplay!”

Oh? No one told me I was too old for Coldplay. By the time I found out, it was too late... I was already into them. I liked their music, but knew little about their typical following. (I mean come on, it’s not like they’re the Backstreet Boys, or something!) So, I just kept right on listening.

Mind you, all that’s a moot point now. I’ve had my fill of Coldplay, at least for now. As the cold of winter gives over to spring fever, I’ve diverted my attentions to… er… a new interest.

Don’t get me wrong… I still like Coldplay, but I’ve discovered something else… something new… something a little … hotter.

Move over Coldplay, because Reggaeton is moving in.

Yup. You read that right.

Reggaeton.

I’ve absolutely fallen in love with this brand of Latin-HipHop-type stuff, raunchy lyrics and all.

I’ve spent the last few weeks searching out Reggaeton music for my iPod and updating it with some new sounds for spring. (I’ve left some of the classic rock on there, but cut out a lot of songs that I am either bored of or that I am just not that into). Much of the Reggaeton stuff I’ve found has a fantastic beat that just works for me in the gym… with Aguakate being my group of choice, so far.

I can just imagine that CM is fainting over her cup of tea right now and Young Cousin is thinking, “Oh-my-God! We’ve got to put a stop to this. Now!”

That should make for some good conversation over drinks during his visit next month! I am sure I will hear about this after a few vodkas...

Anyway, back to the new music… It’s delicious… vibrant… different… a wonderful mix of the Latin music I’ve loved for years, but with an edgy, “streety” twist that gives it a kind of raw energy that just can’t be beat.

Oh yeah.

Sarah's sexy secrets to weight loss (?!)

I figured that this post needed a sexy title.

Now, before we go any further, think about your reaction to that title. What did you think? How did it make you feel?






One of my favorite quotes from my qualitative research course in the fall semester was, “Research shows that 100% of people who engage in the practice of eating eventually die.” (I forget who wrote it.)

The point of the quote was to make us think critically about what we read, not to believe everything, and not to be satisfied with an answer (however logical it may seem) until we have the whole picture.

Lately, I’ve noticed myself getting angry when I read certain articles about food. I just got a newsletter that said to “eat more grains rich in water-soluble fibre”. It’ll help lower cholesterol and aid digestion. Good idea!

Another article in a magazine that made its way into our kitchen touted the benefits of eating more protein. That one went on to give suggestions in the number of grams of protein a person should eat a day, giving an example of three eggs at one meal as a suitable portion of protein.

“Three eggs at one meal?” I thought. “Maybe if you’re an Olympian… and even then!”

I forget exactly how much protein it recommended per day… I remember thinking that it seemed like an enormous amount. There was no mention of caloric intake relative to body weight, nor any reference to daily activity levels with respect to nutritional needs.

I ultimately tossed the article aside, disgusted.

Really, how do things like this get published? People take this stuff at face value and then go on rampages, stuffing their faces with whatever fad seems to be the flavour of the day.

What gets me about these “Eat more X!” articles is that they rarely talk about what to cut out… Sure, eating more whole grains is a good idea… but not if it is in addition to half a loaf of Wonder bread for breakfast. Instead of “eat more”, how about “choosing differently”?… I personally like the articles that talk about “choose such and such more often, and this other thing less often.” I mean, no one can be good all the time, right?

If you’ve been reading the blog regularly, you know that not only has my weight dropped somewhat since the last school year, but that it is a result of being on a quest for a healthy lifestyle, rather than a mission to lose weight. In fact, I’ve become somewhat of an advocate of healthy living (though I do try to refrain from preaching, so I appreciate you indulging me a bit here...)

The other day at work I ran into a woman I hadn’t seen in a good long time. We exchanged pleasantries and she said, “You really must tell me your secret!! What eating plan are you on? LA weight loss? Jenny Craig? There’s got to be something…!”

I said, “Um... not really... Just more active and trying to eat better in general..."

"Oh come on, now!" She said, "I know you've done something! What is it?"

Fearing questions about liposuction and stomach stapling (which yes, I have been asked and no, I have not had... anyone who has seen me struggle through the process knows that) I quickly came up with, "Well, I did hire a personal trainer and that helped… I go to the gym regularly now… But as far as eating… I’m afraid it’s not very sexy… Just the Canada Food Guide.”

She looked at me and said, “Oh… Go figure.” And she walked away, a bit dejected.

And the truth is that I have found there is no “sexy secret”… Eating healthy is not rocket science… Vegetables, fruit, grains, protein… every day… Treats in moderation…

And believe me, I am far from having a perfect diet... And just for the record, I am still classified as overweight, so it's not like I am some runway model or something... But I like to think I lead a fairly healthy lifestyle, most of the time. And trust me, I have my vices, like anyone... and I'm the last one to criticize others for what or how they eat. Not to mention that I firmly believe in a daily dose of coffee laced with cream... screw the skim milk! I like dairy fat with my caffeine, thank you very much.

What gets me is the stuff we are being fed by the media. Why do we gobble up myths like, “You will be healthier if you eat a million grams of protein a day!” or “Eat more whole grains!” And who cares if you increase your caloric intake by 300% as you down a loaf -- or five -- of whole wheat bread?

For some reason, we seem to think that empty promises, like empty calories, are sexy. And sex sells, as they say... In this case, magazines and newsletters that are supposed to educate us. (See the quote at the beginning about thinking critically...) But deep down... we know those empty promises are going to leave us feeling unfulfilled... still hungry.

Personally, the thought of a reasonably portioned piece of top quality beef, grilled to perfection (rare) and a crisp salad with lots of crunchy veggies is pretty damned sexy. Three eggs and a loaf of bread in one sitting… uh… not so much.

Prodigal blogger and other labels

I know there have been studies done about online communities, but I’ve never delved into them. I do remember my reaction a few months ago when a blogger whose page I frequented suddenly and without warning simply removed his page and disappeared from Blogland.

I was shocked… felt a bit betrayed… angry… and sad. “How could he just leave like that? Without a word to anyone? Where the hell did he go?” I wondered.

Then I found out that he had sent an e-mail to yet another blogger who then told me about it… He had to take a break for a while, but said he’d be reading our blogs… “lurking”… and may be back one day.

I shrugged and thought, “Well, it’s the Internet. People can do whatever the hell they please.”

I actually had the fellow’s e-mail address somewhere and I knew his name. I could have Googled him or something, I suppose… tried to stay in contact. But really… what’s the point? I figure that if someone decides the time is right to walk away, you let them go.

Much to my surprise, he’s back… in a different guise and if it wasn’t for a particular woman (who shall remain nameless, for fear she might cause quivering in said blogger’s heart), I would never have figured out it was him. But I did... and I was pleased to see he was back.

The whole thing got me thinking about the people we meet via blogs. I mean, there are those with great big hearts who send Christmas fruitcake to you from halfway around the globe because you half-jokingly asked if she would. And she did.

There are those who share a common passion -- even if that passion is something I myself cannot partake in at the moment… But as we all know, passion runs in the veins… (pun intended.)

There are those whose values and spirituality speak to your soul and you wish you could just chat with them over coffee… or listen to one of their sermons (which is saying something, considering that I do not attend church!)

The other day, I was chatting with someone about the supposed compartment syndrome in my leg. I wanted to tell the person about Olga and her experiences with it, but I got all fumbled up in my words...

What to call her? I almost said, “My friend, Olga…” but I thought, “Friend? You’ve never even met the woman!” Then I thought about “blogger buddy”… but if you don’t blog, then you wouldn’t get it. I finally said, “A woman I know…”

This led me to think of a dinner party I attended around Christmas with a few friends – the ones who got me into blogging, actually. And yes, they’re real people, whom I’ve known offline for years!

Part of the conversation got around to blogging… and what was happening in the lives of fellow bloggers, most of whom were people we’d never met. We marveled at ourselves, talking about these people as if they themselves could have been at the dinner party.

(Gosh... that sounds kinda bad! We really are normal people.... With lots to talk about. Honest!)

I was talking (yes, again, actually talking) to another friend, who is dead set against blogging. He thinks it is just plain weird. Not to mention the fact that he’s not a huge fan of technology. “Why don’t people actually sit down face to face and have a conversation?” He asked.

I responded, “They do. We’re doing that right now. Blogging is just another way of having a conversation.”

I tried to explain. He tried to understand… but still seemed to think that we are losing our “human touch” in this technology-driven world. I countered that technology can pull people apart or bring them together… it all depends on how you choose to use it.

I thought of my Dad, whose been a ham radio aficionado since before I was born. He knows everything there is to know about radios… How to build them, how to repair them, how to use them, how to teach other people to use them…. He and his wife both have their radio handles and have chatted with people from all over. My guess is that he has his community of “radio buddies” in much the same way as I have “blogger buddies”. I have no idea how many of them he’s ever met… but I doubt it’s more than a handful at best… though I could be wrong.

Could it be that blogging is to our generation what ham radio was to my Dad’s? Only now, it’s way cooler. (Sorry, Dad!)

To my prodigal blogger buddy, welcome back, man. And if you ever take off like that again, I will find you… just so I can smack you upside the head. (Kidding!)

How to impress a girl

It's one thing when a man looks into your eyes and says, "I never understood why a guy would go to the ends of the earth for a woman... until I met you."

It's another thing when he shows up the next day with a bucket of paint and a sprayer, ready to transform your shabby basement into a working office space. That is, after having installed all the appropriate wiring for a phone and Internet line in said office-to-be.

Words... and actions that speak louder than them.

I am grateful, if not slightly overwhelmed.

Bye bye, knee brace! (At least for now...)

Well, I just have to tell you that I am thrilled!

After another physio appointment today, I was officially told that I could get back on the bike (which I’ve been on anyway…) and (drum roll, please!) without the knee brace.

Woo hoo!

In case you didn’t hear that: WOO HOO!

The knee and leg are both still swollen, though less so. My lower leg doesn’t hurt any more and my knee generally hurts less. My back is less sore than it was and I manage to relax it with the help of a heating pad. So… Things are definitely improving… though slowly. (Could the custom-made orthotics be part of the reason? I think so, maybe...)

I am still barred from running, or even walking, as part of my exercise routine (sigh…) but trying the bike again without the knee brace is a huge step forward.

Zippity do dah!

Tim, my physio guy said, “I don’t know about running, Sarah…” Implying that he didn’t know if I’d ever be back to running.

I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I will run again.”

“You really like it, eh?” He asked, looking at me to gauge my reaction.

“Uhh… yeah!”

I was thinking to myself, “Do you think I’d be so damned dedicated and determined with these daily exercises and rehab if I didn’t have a goal??” Clearly, he doesn’t know me. Though he did say that he thought I was patient… in some ways.

I told him, “I have no intention of spending every day in that gym like I did last summer. This year, I plan to be outside running.”

Tim said “I hope so…”, as if he was trying to convince himself as much as me.

So I quickly fired back, “Good. If we both hope, it is more likely to happen, isn’t it?”

He nodded… and pulled over the little cart on wheels that holds all his acupuncture needles, in preparation to work on me.

So, we ended the session agreeing that I would go back on the bike, without the knee brace and wait two more weeks before another appointment. For now, I will stay off the elliptical machine, and add in one thing at a time, so we can see what, if anything, triggers pain.

To celebrate, I went to the gym after physio… and got on the bike for 17 minutes, before doing my physio exercises and weights.

Baby steps… or bike revolutions… whatever! It’s progress. And I’m happy.

Knee, leg and fitness update

I know I’ve been kind of quiet lately on the updates about my knee and leg. Partly it is due to the fact that it is the end of the school year and I need to wrap my head around that more than anything at the moment, but since a few of you have asked in e-mails, I thought I’d do a quick post. Here goes:

Knee/leg update

Between my massage therapist showing me a technique to drain the swelling from my leg, which I do a few times a week now (though not as well as she does it of course…); making friends with a heating pad; following Bast’s advice on Epsom salt baths and generally trying to listen to my body, things are feeling better.

The swelling and pain in my lower leg is down, though not gone completely. Eliminating exercises (and yes… even squats – woo hoo!) that seemed to increase the swelling and put more pressure on the lower leg helped a great deal.

About a week ago, I got the custom-made orthotics. I didn’t want to post about them right away, because to be honest, the experience wasn’t exactly pleasant. I felt like my hips were being ripped out of their sockets on the first day. After that, it got easier. Now, I hardly notice that they are there at all… except when I do exercises on the bosu. Then, I wobble and lurch, falling in all different directions in a heap. But hell, what do I care? I’d rather have less pain than be a bosu expert.

And besides, I’m determined, so I’ve been on that darned thing almost every day, flying around with arms extended… I will get my balance back, dammit!

I also wear my knee brace almost every time I work out now. I tried taping the knee one day, but the brace is much better, so I went back to it. I hope that I will not need it forever, but I guess you never know, right? For now, it helps... a lot.

So… things are getting better… In my last physio appointment, Tim said to try and wait two weeks until the next appointment, so I won’t be going back until next week. In the meantime, I have been working hard to manage things on my own and for the most part, it seems to be OK.

Fitness update

Because my knee and leg were feeling better, I thought I’d try the cardio machines again and see how my leg responded. I started with 5 minutes on the bike and the next day, I tried the elliptical. Both were OK.

Me being me, I had myself up to 45 minutes of cardio in a week and that proved to be a bit too much for my knee and now, I am feeling it. Nothing like jumping in with both feet, eh?

Anyway, I will have to ease off again for a few days, but it feels good just to be back on the machines. It is slow going, but I can see and feel some improvement. If nothing else, this is good for my sanity.

I am still doing all my physio exercises diligently… every day… Except the squats. Have I mentioned how happy it makes me not to have to do squats??

Having said that, I have these exercises for the ab- and adductors, as well as hip rotators that I also do every single day. These exercises, combined with all the physio stuff, take about 45 minutes... Yes... six times a week. Ugh! I have noticed a difference though, I must say… I now officially have “thunder thighs”, but they are feeling stronger and more stable, so I do not care!!

My package of personal training sessions has finished now, so I am working on my own. Of course, I am still dedicated… keeping my progress log and working out six days a week… I have mixed feelings about working out on my own, but I know I can do it.

I have signed up for some yoga and pilates classes, starting in May, just to change things up a bit. I think I have figured out that strength training and running (whenever I get back to it!) will be my base activities and I think I’d also like to keep challenging myself to try new things and learn different activities. I was never very athletic as a kid, so there are a lot of things out there to go and try… and with any luck, I have a few decades to fit them all in!

So, in short, there has been progress… It is very, very slow and I still get quite frustrated, but never mind… It’s all about the journey, right?

"I will survive!"

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified…”

OK, so the rest of the song doesn’t really apply, but those first few words could effectively describe this school year… I was scared senseless about starting my Ph.D… I kept thinking, “They’ve made a mistake admitting me into this program. They don’t know that I’m not really all that smart… They’re going to find out… and boot my sorry ass outta here!”

Those fears were chased by more thoughts… “I’m scared about how the stress of school will affect my health… In my last degree I packed on 70 lbs. I want to do it differently this time… I want to be healthy… God, I hate that fucking gym!”

Today is the last day of the academic year. As I sit here writing this, I can hear the raucous sounds of Bermuda Shorts Day outside the student centre. BSD, as it is called for short, is a huge year-end party (drunk fest, mostly). Typically the students wear shorts or other summer wear, regardless of whether it is sunny and warmish, as it is today, with an expected high of 14C, or slamming it down with snow, as has happened in previous years. The students don’t care. It’s their last day and they want to par-tay!

I have donned a pair of Capri pants and sandals… somewhere between “BSD” garb and dress that is appropriate for staff (seeing as how I wear both hats around here!) I just couldn’t help it… I felt this twinge of “Oh my God! I’ve officially survived the first year! How cool is that?”

Granted, it was not perfect. I struggled through much of it… full of self-doubt, fear, never enough time to do anything, always thinking I should have done more and done it better… Had a few meltdowns along the way, but somehow managed to suck it up and keep going… And at the end of the day, I have survived my first year.

If I reflect on how things have changed since starting this school year, a few things that stand out are:

• I may not really be all that smart, but I don’t think they made a mistake admitting me into the program… I’m on about the same level as most of my classmates (or so I like to think!) And besides, to think that an entire selection committee messed up would be implying that they aren’t too smart… Not a good thing, given that they’re my professors! So, I’ve accepted it… I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing.
• I am healthier and stronger now than I’ve ever been in my entire adult life. I still worry about whether I’ll be able to maintain it, but I figure a little worry is a good thing… It’ll keep me dedicated.
• I have gone from hating the gym to enjoying it… In fact… I like it now… really, really like it. (Sssshhh!…. Don’t let my trainer hear that! I wouldn’t want him to think he’s won or anything…)
• When I started my Ph.D. program I went in kicking and screaming against theory, saying, “I’m a practitioner, not a theorist, dammit!” Now, I realize that I am both… In fact, I like theory a whole lot more than I was willing to admit. And I have accepted that being a theorist doesn’t have to be at the expense of being a good teacher. You can be both… and should strive to be if you want a career in academia (IMHO).

Anyway, there you have it. And in the words of my Ph.D. supervisor, “Classes end… but the work continues.” I will survive.

Z. and baby -- and general update

Introducing Samuel... a week old as of yesterday. Went to see Mom and babe yesterday, after a hectic week at school. He's beautiful and Mom is healing nicely, too...

As for life in my world, all is well, though I am hellishly behind in my school work. Feeling better about the gym stuff, now that I am back on the bike and eliptical machine for 15 minutes at a time... It's not much, but it's better than I have been doing... baby steps.

Also, I'm not feeling overtrained any more. I started being relentless about getting enough sleep and that helps immensely.

Anyway, off to have dinner with my friend, Wei and her husband, Ming. Ming arrived from China last September and has been taking English classes over the past several months. Tonight will be the first chance for the three of us to socialize together... Yaay!

Sarahspace Cloud

Thanks to Anvilcloud, I tried making a word cloud from Snapshirts, too. Very cool. Thanks for the inspiration...

I am a fish...

...Well, not quite, but tonight was the last lesson of Level One swimming. And I survived!

We had fun and with five of us, plus the teacher, the class was small enough that we all knew each other’s names and had a few laughs.

In tonight’s class we actually put arms and legs together and swam. Woo hoo! We practiced everything we had learned… floating, gliding, sculling, flutter kicking and the piece de resistance – front crawl.

I discovered that I can scull backwards (feet first) pretty darn well. In fact, it was one of my favorite things!

Anyway, I managed to do the front crawl MUCH better than I did a few months ago when I was going to the pool for cardio. Getting actual instruction in how and when to breathe turned out to be rather crucial. (Go figure!)

It is still far from pretty. But it is still a heck of lot better than when I did it on my own.

I was asking around for as well for some tips – or possibly a private class – in water running. Turns out that there are none… just water aerobics. From what I gather, although everyone talks about how great water running is for injured “land runners”, not so many of them actually get in the pool and do it! (I can understand this… I’ve been injured since November and I’m just seriously starting to ask questions now…)

I will definitely go practice my front crawl again soon, but I’m quite keen on this water running thing, so all tips and tricks are appreciated!

And I used to think needles were bad... Well, I'd rather have needles than knives...

I haven’t posted for a few days because I have been busy digesting information…

Haven’t been to see Z. and baby yet, as there were only two people at a time allowed in the hospital unit she was in… and understandably, that was usually family members. Hope to get to see them soon though! I have seen photos and he is one cute little guy!

As for the information I’ve been trying to digest…

I went to see the sports med specialist on Friday. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with my leg. He says it sort of presents like compartment syndrome, but the fact that I don’t lose feeling in my foot or leg means that it is not that. He took a tape measure and actually measured my calves. There was half a centimetre difference between the legs, which he said, even given bodily asymmetry is still an appreciable difference.

It was first thing in the morning… prior to the gym and the usual daily activity. In other words, the swelling was at its lowest point in the day.

I told him that when I go for physio, Tim puts needles in my back and the swelling in my leg goes down. The doctor, who works in the same clinic as my physiotherapist and so, knows him personally, just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and said, “Yeah… um… I can’t explain that.”

The next thing he said threw me for a loop, “I’m going to talk to the surgeon about this. It’s not compartment, but it seems like it… Maybe we should go in there and release that pressure with surgery….”

I just about fell off my chair.

There is one test that he thinks the surgeon will recommend first. It has something to do with measuring the amount of pressure build up in my leg. He didn’t give me too many details (other than to tell me that it would be $200 out of my own pocket, as it is not covered under Medicare). I didn’t ask for details. I was in too much shock after hearing the word “surgery”.

I asked about custom orthotics. He said, “Yeah, OK, I can give you a prescription for those…”

And he did. Since they are fully covered under my student health plan, I figured now was the time. But it was kinda weird… The doctor didn’t seem to really be in favour or disfavour of them… Just kind of ambivalent... But he was really into the surgery idea, it seemed.

I am baffled… and to be honest, quite upset… deeply upset… about this idea of surgery… especially when there is no clear diagnosis. I guess I am a bit chicken… I have never had surgery in my life.

Anyway, I went today and had my feet cast for the orthotics. Went to the same place as I got the knee brace, which by the way, I am wearing every time I work out now, on Tim’s recommendation. It totally eases the pain, though I am worried about becoming dependent on it…

The guy at the orthotics place seemed convinced that what is going on in my lower leg is connected to my knee... and feet. He said that the tibialis anterior is one of the muscles that holds up the arch in the foot, and so, the orthotics should relieve some of the stress on it. Here's hoping...!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering… still not allowed to run. I have, however, been experimenting again with the stationary bike and elliptical… I can take about 15 minutes before my knee or leg starts grumbling, so that’s what I do.

Meanwhile, I can’t stop thinking about the surgery idea… How could this happen? I make a commitment to explore what it means to have an active lifestyle, with a view to leading a healthy, balanced life and next thing I know, I’m injured to the point that there’s an expert wanting to chop me up with knives?

Life was much easier as a 5' couch potato pushing 200 lbs., that’s all I can say…

On a happy note, I went through my closet tonight and tried on almost all my clothes, to see what fits and what doesn't. Even the size 12's are big now, so it's looking that I'm definitely down into the size 8/10 range. Have a big bag of clothes to donate to the Sally Ann now, which makes me feel good...