Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Thoughts... and second thoughts

OK, I think I am crazy. And after reading Olga's latest race report, I also think I am a huge wimp.

This half marathon on July 8 - what the hell was I thinking signing up? I mean... This time last year I was not running at all... Started the walk/run program in the fall and did my first 30 minute run on Nov. 27 last year. Since then, I've added hill training, speed training and distance training.

That crazy 10-mile hill run (5 miles down and 5 miles up - on the way home) buggered up my knee again. It hasn't been the same since.

I did not run on Tuesday. And nothing stops me from running... except injury. Well OK, let's be honest, I had a hang-over from too much post-exam celebrating the night before... Thanks to the room mate for helping me polish off half a bottle of tequila.... and to my friends at school who dragged me to the Grad Lounge for champagne. But really, it was mostly the knee...

I confess, I'm scared... and slightly depressed. But mostly scared. I set this goal and now I don't know if I can do it...

What terrifies me more is that I know I WILL do it, even if I SHOULD NOT do it. Am I willing to do this race and have my knee messed up for another year - or longer - because of it? I don't quit. Even when I should. That's a character flaw I have not yet learned to overcome.

What to do? What to do?

10 comments:

angie's pink fuzzy said...

listen to your body. your body is more important than a random goal set by your mind!

ipodmomma said...

I totally agree with Angie... sometimes the hardest lesson is seeing just what is really in front of us, and accepting it.

thinking of you!

CLM said...

OK, think of it this way. If taking a specific action would have, in all likelihood, prevented you from passing your candidacy exams, would you have taken that action just because you had "set it as a goal"? I doubt it. You are stubborn, as am I, but you don't usually sabotage yourself. Setting a half marathon as a goal is an excellent goal. Does it have to be THAT SPECIFIC half marathon? Probably not. If you were hit by a bus and had a broken leg, would you still use crutches to run that half marathon? Probably not. If Lance Armstrong had broken his leg, would he try to compete in the Tour de France? Probably not. Use that fabulous mind of yours, which so ably passed your candidacy exam, to set a goal of running a half marathon when it will be unlikely to have a serious impact on your running future. Be brave, I know you can make the right decision, hard as it may be. Hugs!

Turtle Guy said...

"I don't quit. Even when I should. That's a character flaw I have not yet learned to overcome."

The Universe provides us the most curious of challenges, yes? This is a true learning experience waiting to happen - either way.

Alia said...

I agree that you listen to your body. However, if that's too random, how about this...

What's the worst that can happen if you choose to run a shorter distance or not at all? Will you still have a place to sleep at night? Will you still be a PhD Candidate? Will you still have your health and your family? Of course you will. In fact, most, if not all, parts of your life will still be intact.
You may think that you're also going to feel crappy for choosing not to run the half. However, this one is all in your control. If you accept that it's OK and in fact, more intelligent, to listen to your body and do what's right and also release the fact that it's been pounded into your head that you're stubborn and that you have no choice but to live with that character trait all the time and in every situation, there's no reason that you would feel crappy. Sometimes the right decision is unexpected and that's OK.

And if that's doesn't get you to a comfortable answer, maybe some meditation will help. The right answer for you is out there. You just need to hear it (whatever it is -- maybe you run as much as you can during the Half and walk the rest when you're body tells you to) and accept it.

Life goes on.

Misty said...

The race is still a couple weeks away. I'd suggest giving your body a little bit of a rest to see if it works itself out by then.

If it has not, I agree that you should listen to your body, it speaks to us every now and then when our stubborn characteristics can get in the way of making a safe choice.

Question, is the hill that buggered it up again the course for the half? If not, is the course layout similar?

Just as you have to listen to what foods to eat and avoid during your training runs, you should also listen to what type of terrain your body needs in order to operate at a maximum.

Good luck in whichever choice you make!

D said...

You asked the right question of yourself: are you willing to potentially take off a year in exchange for this race? I'm the queen of running while injured and I continue to be plagued with injuries because I just don't take off the necessary time to heal. There are always going to be 1/2 marathons. Take a month off - get your bike tuned up - YOU'LL LOVE IT!!!! - and then get back to training. That's my 2 cents for what it is worth. Chin up. . .

Granny said...

Sarah, thanks for your comment.

Will you send me your email addy please?

I know you have it posted on your sidebar but, thanks to my oldest, when I click on it the Neopets mailbox pops up instead of gmail and freezes the computer. I can't seem to fix it and their "help" section is no help at all.

I may have to make Elcie start over to get rid of it.

Granny said...

P. S. After all that, I forgot to wish you luck with whatever decision you make.

Also what everyone else said.

psbowe said...

That makes two of us, well except for the consumption of tequila part! When I find myself in a situation like yours, I take it to the pool or riding the bike, or both until race day to keep off of it. Good luck.