I'm sure there's something significant about the whole 40 days and 40 nights of going through some deeply challenging experience, but I can't remember what it is.... Hhhm...
Well folks, here we are... 40 days and 40 nights of no running. The infection, turned blood poisoning has been dealt with. The inflammation remains, but it's better than infection. The antibiotics did exactly what they were supposed to and killed any and all bacteria they found, including the good stuff. The flu then decided to invade for a while and that kept me flat on my back for most of the weekend.
I'm up and at 'er now though... sniffling and hacking away. Oh, it's lotsa fun, lemme tell you.
What I can say, with a certain amount of certainty is that if you think taper madness is real, then I can assure you that 40 days and 40 nights of no running brings all kinds of visions, hallucinations, depression and dark, lonely nights.
A quick recap of life in the non-running zone:
1) I did get clearance from the ethics board to conduct my research, only to contact a few people who want no part of any interviews for my project. They all think it's a great idea and would love to read the results, but no one wants to "go on the record", even anonymously. This kind of screws my project. I've been freaking out. My supervisor has been away so we have not talked. I'm fairly disheartened.
2) Due to the frustrations and feeling like I'm banging my head against the wall, I have seriously been asking myself, "Who the heck needs a Ph.D. anyway?" Have been fantasizing about walking away from this program. (Can't run; can still walk!)
3) Have been wondering what it would be like to have a "normal" life - go out with friends on a semi-regular basis, have a job, date... you know... everyday stuff. Instead, I bury my head in academic articles about stuff that doesn't seem to matter much. And for some reason, I think it's worth it to do this?
4) While thinking about #2 and #3, I've tossed the entire theoretical framework of my thesis. It just doesn't work. I'm trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And I'm failing. I have to find something new. In the academic realm, this is considered fairly "major stuff". I have yet to tell my supervisor about it.
5) Items 1-4 have me pretty much out of my mind. To compensate, I signed up to do a half marathon in April. (See race schedule side bar.) This is crazy. I'm haven't run in over a month. When will I run again? Who knows? Why did I sign up? I'm insane. Either that or I need to focus my hope on something - and this is it!
I miss running.