Thursday, November 30, 2006

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth

Part of my lower body training days involve standing on a physio ball. The one I use is pretty big: 65cm in diameter (don't ask me what that is in inches. My brain can't convert it.)

After taking a few weeks to actually learn how the devil to stand on the thing, my objective was to get up on the ball, stand up straight, and then slowly lower myself down and get off the ball. Five times.

So far, I've been doing OK with this.

Until today.

Before I go any further in this story, let me just say that when A. heard I was standing on a big ball as part of my program she made a funny face and said, "That's nuts! My trainer won't LET me stand on a ball. There's a guy in our gym who does it... and does squats on the ball... I kneel on the ball, but no standing. She says it's just too risky. If you fall, you totally wipe out. "

Today, I proved that to be the case, as I nearly undid thousands of dollars of dental work when I got up on the ball, only to have it lurch out from under me, as I landed on my face, with arms and legs splayed in all directions.

Imagine a cat on its belly, with limbs outstretched, sliding wildly down a hill of ice, yowling.

If you can get that picture in your head, you may have a pretty good idea of what I looked like.

I was Not Entirely Happy, as the ball in question (IMHO) felt a bit flat, but it was better than the other one of the same size, which felt even squisher. So, I took the Lesser of Two Evils and proceeded to try my "Ball Get Ups", as my trainer calls them.

Did I mention that at the precise moment I landed on my face, an absolutely stunning specimen of a male human form running on the track just happened to cross my path? Of course, he saw the entire wipe out.

Naturally, I would have to go "SPLAT!" right in front of a G.Q. cover candidate. I hadn't even noticed him until I saw him glide by, demonstrating a gracefulness that was galaxies removed from my world at that particular moment.

Mind you, I later decided that while he may have been nearly an Adonis, he was most certainly Not A Gentleman. A Gentleman would have, at the very least, hollered from the track to see if I was OK.

That all happened on my fourth Ball Get Up. I have to do five.

So of course, I got up and dusted myself off, checking my neck and head. (Thank God I see the chiropractor tomorrow...) Then, I proceeded to do the last one.

On the last one, I always try to stand on the ball as long as I can before I get down. I'm lucky if I get 30 seconds on it. Nevertheless, the goal is always to have a nice, smooth dismount, which I managed for that last one, at least.

It happened that Mr. G.Q. made another lap around the track one more time as I was busy standing on the ball. That time, he looked at me as if to say, "What the hell kind of freak are you, anyway?" (Definitely Not a Gentleman!)

I think I should make a point to "Live Close To the Earth" for the remainder of this year's training season, or I may not have my two front teeth for Christmas after all. (Mind you, you don't necessarily need teeth to run, do you?)


backofpack said...

Okay, but see, when you are missing your two front teeth and running, your breath blowing in and out the gap makes an odd whistling noise that attract dogs and cats and annoys running partners. That's all. I'm just sayin'.

Misty said...

Well, you've got balls alright..if I can say that. To try it, fall and get back up on the thing, takes a lot of them.

I have difficulty with heights for fear of falling, so even if the height is only 2 feet off the ground, you likely would not find me on a very unstable circular object. Getting up to the heights usually is not the problem for me, its after I'm already up, looking down when my legs would start shaking and would get the better of me.

As for the GQ, great for eye-candy but the inside and gentleman quality of a man will win out every time. Somebody ought to let him in on that piece of advice.

Turtle Guy said...

I hope you're not bruised, cut, scarred or scraped. Balls, indeed! Bravo, girl! I have trouble SITTING on the ball with my feet off the ground. Standing on it takes not only skill, but courage.

I wish I had kept the T-shirt I had that said "All I want for Christmas is...

(1) Million Dollars
(2) Rolls Royce
(3) Diamonds

It was classic.

With or without your two front teeth, GQ-man doesn't know what he was missing ;)

Anvilcloud said...

Never heard of this. It's awhole new connotation to "Have a ball."

Anonymous said...

This is the sort of thing I'm always telling my kids not to do, Sarah!

robtherunner said...

You have got to be one of the most dedicated people I know to put yourself through that kind of training regimen. I have done some crazy things, but never have I tried to stand on a big squishy ball.

Sarah said...

Oh be careful. I have a ball at home but it has never occured to me (until now) to actually try to stand on it.....hmmm...

And big congrats on the running! I wish for you many more pain-free running sessions! : )

Robb said...

You spunky thing you! It's probably just as well that Adonis kept quiet. If he happened to say the wrong thing the flury of maritime curse words from you may have made him cry.

Anonymous said...

Good morning! funny ball story.. be careful! hope your Sunday is swell :)

wthenrest said...

ohhhh still makes me shutter !!! ehhhh cranium crashes!! We want you in one piece :0)

Anonymous said...

Superwoman am I not. In fact, I would probably be the antithesus of her. I aspire to many things.. key word being aspire - as in having not yet done whatever. Trying to keep my humor going. take care! :)

zouzou said...

hilarious! you are going to be Trinity AND some kind of gymnastic super-hero chick. Though that scene where trinity runs up and across two walls, and then hangs in mid air before kicking ass - that's gonna be YOU, girl! and SHE had cables attached.