So, now I'm in month number five of going to the gym regularly now. (Hell, that's over half as long as it takes to gestate a new human life! Geez... when I think about it like that...)
I'm up to 5 K runs, three times a week, plus weights, and stationary biking on the other two days. Hiring a trainer has helped. He's pushed me past where I would have pushed myself and generally boosts my almost-non-existent confidence when I'm exercising.
I was pretty hard on him in our last session... calling him all sorts of nasty names that resulted in a rather sheepish and apologetic e-mail from me after the session. But I think he understood. (And if not, he was gracious enough to not let me know!)
These workouts are demanding and I've almost gotten to the point where I throw up (well, only once...) but I keep going. It's especially tough at the moment, because I've completely plateaued and although I know it is normal, that doesn't make it easy. Nevertheless, on we go...
Anyway, so when I was in the locker room the other day, I heard these two girls talking. They were a few rows over from me, so I didn't actually see them, but the conversation went something like this...
Girl one - (a bit of the conversation I missed, followed by...) "Anyway... it's good for your core."
Girl two - "Core? I don't have a core! Haven' t you noticed? I'm all soft and flabby... no core here!"
I thought to myself, "Geez, that girl sounds like me talking!"
And at that same precise moment, another thought zipped through my head. It was, "Of course you have a core, girl! Stand up and be proud of your body, no matter what it looks like. You're here at the gym, aren't you? You're getting some exercise and that's good for your body and your soul. No need to talk like that! Geez, have some confidence, would you?"
Then it occurred to me that I while I would think that as a mental response to someone else, I have never said anything like that to myself!
The ironic thing was, I have no idea what the other girl looked like... maybe she was skinny as a rake... or she could have been 400 lbs. I'll never know. But the interesting thing was that I identified with her... and then mentally told her to smarten up!
And with that, I lifted my chest, drew back my shoulders, slung my bag on my shoulder and walked out of the locker room with my head held high, realizing that I have a core now, dammit!