A while ago my good friend, A. said to me, "Sarah, I think you're in an R."
"An R.?" I replied. "Me? Oh no... I don't think so. I couldn't possibly be in an R!"
R. is what we say instead of saying the scary word it represents. You know... like the 4-letter "L." word or -- even scarier -- "The M. Word".
An "R." usually coincides with "L.", but precedes "M." (... but sometimes breaks down -- or up, depending on your lexicon -- before you get to M.)
But enough word play.
A. was gently trying to nudge me out of my comfort zone of denial. You see... I've been... er... seeing someone... for a while... Months, actually.
We were friends... then a bit more than friends... And I have effectively kept him at arm's length - at least emotionally - for... well... a good long time.
A., being the good friend she is, looked me sternly in the eye some time ago and said, "So... what would you call it when you're only exclusively seeing each other, you spend time together regularly, call each other several times a week and e-mail as well? Hhhhhmmmmm????"
Um... dunno? Anything but an R., I guess.
Scares the crap out of me, truth be told.
I've already been down the marriage road... and failed. Horribly. Been down the relationship road, too.... And that didn't work out so well either.
I tell myself I'm too busy for an R. I say, "Hellooowwww??? Doing a Ph.D. here...! Oh yeah... and trying to get fit and healthy, too! No time for more than that!"
But this has... well... crept up on me.
He's been persistent... and patient. I've told him to back off more than once. And he has. I've pushed him away. And he went... but not so far that he was out of reach.
So... sigh... I guess it's time to crawl out of my shell of denial. Yes, A., you are right... I'm in an R.
There, I've admitted it.
I know the question that's going on inside your head. The answer is to be found on my blog roll... (speaking of shells...) Turtle Guy (of Dave's Armchair)... (Aren't Turtles the slow ones that always win the race?)